“You “Your par­ents may find it hard to let go o of their in­de­pen­dence and face the fact f that they are not young and stron strong any­more.”

Simply Her (Singapore) - - Parents 101 -

tasks any­way, de­spite their protests,” says Shee Wai. “Al­low them to do the chores with you, and af­ter you’ve proven yourself ‘ca­pa­ble’, sug­gest that you take over from then on. If you per­sist, they might just give in, be­cause, let’s face it, most el­derly people do love be­ing taken care of.”

You could also ap­peal to them emo­tion­ally, by telling them that it’d ease your mind to know that some­one else is do­ing the tough chores for them. Or, say some­thing like: “Your neigh­bour told me that you were strug­gling with your heavy gro­cery bags the other day. I feel like a bad daugh­ter. Please al­low me to ful­fil my fil­ial du­ties”.

Shee Wai says to avoid state­ments like “You can’t do it yourself”, “You’re

First, find out why they can’t bring them­selves to throw some­thing out. “Don’t ex­pect them to throw ev­ery­thing away at once. Try to un­der­stand why they want to hang on to cer­tain items.”

Then, it’s im­por­tant to get them to see that you care about their phys­i­cal safety. Ex­plain that some ob­jects are dan­ger­ous and pose a fire haz­ard. Dis­card these ob­jects first, then com­pro­mise on the smaller things that have sen­ti­men­tal value.

But don’t try to change their thrifty mind­set. If they have cup­boards full of Tup­per­ware that never see the light of day but that they just can’t bear to part with, don’t make an is­sue of it. “Know which bat­tles to pick,” says Janice. HOW CAN YOU HELP THEM? Shee Wai says you should ap­proach the mat­ter with ex­tra sen­si­tiv­ity, since it is your par­ents’ money. You might want to ca­su­ally weave your ques­tions into your con­ver­sa­tions – for ex­am­ple, “Oh, you bought 4-D tick­ets again? Didn’t you just buy tick­ets last week? How much do you usu­ally spend at a time?” This will give you an open­ing to dis­cuss money mat­ters with them.

Tell them that you’re con­cerned about their spend­ing habits and don’t want to see them ex­haust their sav­ings. If they get de­fen­sive, re­mind them that they worked hard for their money and still have many more years to en­joy it.

You can also try to di­rect their fo­cus to­wards more pur­pose­ful spend­ing. Say some­thing like, “Since we’re all go­ing to Europe for the hol­i­days, why don’t you save up to buy some win­ter clothes?” or “You’ve al­ways wanted to take up ball­room dancing. Per­haps you should in­vest in some lessons”.

If you sense that your folks have been shop­ping out of bore­dom, help them use their spare time more ef­fec­tively. Sug­gest that they sign up for a course at the com­mu­nity cen­tre, do vol­un­teer work or spend more time with their grand­chil­dren.

WHY SO STUB­BORN? Your par­ents may find it hard to let go of their in­de­pen­dence and face the fact that they are not young and strong any­more, says Ho Shee Wai, reg­is­tered psy­chol­o­gist and di­rec­tor of The Coun­selling Place. They might also be afraid that if some­one takes over their chores, they will have noth­ing left to do and thus feel use­less. HOW CAN YOU HELP THEM? When try­ing to con­vince them that they need help around the house, take the ap­proach that they’ve worked h hard all their lives and de­serve a rest. Tell them that they’ll still have con­trol over the way things are done at home, but that their role will be b a more su­per­vi­sory one. If they have is­sues about al­low­ing a stranger to live in their house, com­pro­mise by hir­ing a part-time cleaner for them.

“If it’s you who’s of­fer­ing to help them with the chores, get started on the

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