“She made me feel so small, so unloved and ab­so­lutely worth­less. I love my kids a lot and there was no way I could con­tinue sub­ject­ing them to that sort of treat­ment, ei­ther.”

Simply Her (Singapore) - - Get Fit -

“A few years ago, I no­ticed a dras­tic change in Esther. While she had never been par­tic­u­larly mean to our chil­dren, she started yelling and scream­ing at them – even smack­ing them on oc­ca­sion if they talked back to her or made too much noise when she was rest­ing. To me, this was com­pletely un­nec­es­sary, but she said that they needed to be dis­ci­plined when they mis­be­haved.

“She also started com­ing home late on week­days, and some­times, not at all. Her ex­cuse? She had to work over­time. When­ever I ques­tioned her about it, she would scream all sorts of ob­scen­i­ties at me and call me ev­ery name un­der the sun, in English and Hokkien. I thought to my­self, ‘How could this be the woman I mar­ried?’

“Then Esther started phys­i­cally abus­ing the kids for no rea­son. She would come home, tired or in a bad mood, and hit them if they so much as tried to talk to her. When­ever I at­tempted to in­ter­vene or calm her down, she would not only ver­bally abuse me, but also punch my chest and arms and scratch me. Her abuse of­ten left me bleed­ing, yet I chose to stay with her. “About three years ago, I started hav­ing sus­pi­cions that Esther was hav­ing an af­fair. I con­fronted her about it, beg­ging her to come clean with me and to work with me to save the mar­riage. She re­fused to talk about it and in­stead, got mad at me for even bring­ing it up.

“One night, Esther came home from work and changed her clothes be­fore head­ing out again. Be­fore leav­ing the house, she locked the door to the mas­ter bed­room and took the spare key with her, so I couldn’t get into the room. I called her all night and the next morn­ing, but she didn’t pick up. When she came home later in the af­ter­noon, she stormed into the house, an­gry that I had called her so many times, and made straight for the mas­ter bed­room.

“When the kids and I en­tered the room a few min­utes later, Esther was on the phone. One of our kids made a bit of noise and she started scream­ing at him. When I stepped in, she be­gan push­ing, punch­ing and scratch­ing me, but I did not re­tal­i­ate. When I called the po­lice, they told me they could not do any­thing as it was a pri­vate, do­mes­tic mat­ter. “That fight was the last straw for me. Esther hit and scratched me so hard that I was bleed­ing through my shirt. When I looked in the mir­ror, my torso and arms were cov­ered in bruises and scratches. I knew then that I had to walk away from the mar­riage. I went straight to the hos­pi­tal so I could doc­u­ment my in­juries and use it as proof in court that Esther had abused me.

“The next day, I ap­plied for a Per­sonal Pro­tec­tion Or­der against Esther. I had also hired a pri­vate in­ves­ti­ga­tor some months ear­lier, and he had pho­to­graphic ev­i­dence that she was hav­ing an af­fair, with not one but a few dif­fer­ent men.

“To see my sweet wife act like a mon­ster was shock­ing and dev­as­tat­ing, to say the least. But it wasn’t just her be­hav­iour that had changed. Her style of dress­ing went from mod­est to trashy, and she had even got­ten a few tat­toos.

“I blame the guys she was hang­ing out with. One of her boyfriends was a gang­ster, who I’m sure had some in­flu­ence on her. When he caught my pri­vate in­ves­ti­ga­tor fol­low­ing him, he threat­ened to harm him if he did not leave. “Esther and I are fi­nal­is­ing our di­vorce. She doesn’t want our chil­dren, aged be­tween six and 12, so I will likely get full cus­tody of them. De­spite what they have been through, my chil­dren are try­ing to re­main strong for me. They wit­nessed all the abuse that Esther un­leashed on me and now, they just want to pro­tect me.

“My friends know about the di­vorce and Esther’s af­fairs, but they don’t know that she abused me. The only peo­ple who know what hap­pened – be­sides my kids – are my par­ents. I don’t think I could ever tell my friends the truth as they might think I am weak or that I couldn’t han­dle my wife. It’s an ego thing, cer­tainly. Which man would openly ad­mit that his wife uses him as a punch­ing bag? It took me a few years just to re­port the abuse.

“I’m quite a pa­tient, tol­er­ant and easy-go­ing guy. I would have done ev­ery­thing in my power to make my mar­riage work – and I did for­give Esther for the ini­tial ver­bal and phys­i­cal abuse – but un­for­tu­nately, noth­ing could save it.

“Esther made me feel so small, so unloved and ab­so­lutely worth­less. I love my kids a lot and there was no way I could con­tinue sub­ject­ing them to that sort of treat­ment, ei­ther. Esther doesn’t even bother vis­it­ing the kids any­more. She wants noth­ing more to do with us, which hurts me deeply.

“I’m cop­ing much bet­ter th­ese days with the help of my par­ents. The kids are hap­pier too, now that they are away from their mum. I just want to see this di­vorce through so that we can put all the drama be­hind us and move on with our lives. The chil­dren and I de­serve a fu­ture that is filled with kind­ness and love.”

Newspapers in English

Newspapers from Singapore

© PressReader. All rights reserved.