THE DRESS : TOO BIG OR TOO SMALL The best way to overcome this is to try the dress on about a week before the day. You are not going to swell or shrink considerably in a week and you will have enough time fix the dress. However if it is on your day, there are some pointer to help :
If your dress is too small and the zip (zipper for Americanese people) wants to “go home” then a simple safety pin can be used inside the dress to hold the zip in place as long as is needed. Some needle and thread can also provide a quick make- shift solution. Another thing that will help is to avoid carbonated drinks and processed grain products as these can bloat you and thus aggravate the problem – drink still water instead. Have a high protein breakfast or meal before the wedding and don’t gorge yourself on pancakes. For a sticky zip you can use some candle wax along the offending part of the zip. Even some lip balm can grease that sucker up.
Too large a dress can also be disastrous but a quick solution is to create a dart or pleat just under the armpit of the dress where it is least noticeable. Again a safety pin or
quick stitch in time saves nine – whatever that may mean but I’m sure it will certainly save one gorgeous bride.
THE ZIT In Africa we have a word reserved for such catastrophes – “Eish” pronounced “aysh”. A good word to use repeatedly if you find an unsightly pimple on your wedding day although it may not make the nasty blemish go away it is a good start. Once you have repeated said expletive at least 3 times you can go about finding a solution. One thing to try is a block of ice on the spot to reduce swelling. DON’T PICK!!! I won’t go into the details of zitting but be gentle. Use some oxy cream to dry it out and avoid oily base as this will simply aggravate it – remember what happened to Krakatoa when the pressure inside was too much? ( If you are not 140 years old then you may not remember the tabloids so google™ it ). Use a powder based blush to tone it down.
STAINS, SMUDGES AND SPILLS Don’t fret. Somewhere, someone has some sparkling water or club soda. This is great for removing unsightly marks. VERY IMPORTANT – always dab starting at the outer edge of the stain and work toward the centre; not outwards lest you make a mountain out of a molehill. For oil based marks such as mascara or oil you can use baby powder to soak up the worst of it and dust off. you can also do some dabbing with a tissue. A hair dryer is the quickest way to dry your dress – seconds and certainly only a few minutes, unless your spill is from falling into a lake, in which case…. PANIC!!!! Some white chalk or powder can also temporarily hide stubborn stains if you’re in a fix. A pencil eraser can be quite a handy tool for removing scuffs and marks from your dress. Worst case scenario you can find an old lady and borrow her brooch to hide the spot.
RINGS Funny how this is a fear rattling around in every bride’s mind. You know how men can be and can you really rely on your husband to be’s party animal buddy who can barely remember which way his trousers go on because he had a few too many brews the night before? No problem, there are any number of guests / family who would gladly loan you’re their rings in an emergency. Alternatively simply use your backup set in your emergency kit.
Problem? Missing? grab a handful of the nearest flowers from an arrangement, from the garden – look around and find something “Weddingish” and grab that. No one is going to notice that you have improvised, just up your strut and lift your chin and don’t sweat it.
(perspiration to men and sweating to animals ) This can be a serious issue. If it rears its head then your response will be to worry about it, raising your stress levels which will cause you to glow more which leads to more stress and then becomes perspiration and with even more stress your system will resort to its Cro-Magnon animal type sweating. OK so lets nip this in the bud. Make sure that you use a good anti-perspirant roll-on or stick. This creates a good barrier and keeps you dry. What about your make-up. Dab ladies, dab. Get some tissue and gently pat your affected areas. You can touch up your make-up with your emergency kit. In all of the above situations take a few minutes and calm yourself down. Have something cool to drink and take a few deep breaths. Get a lacy fan to match your dress and keep it in your emergency kit – everyone will think that it is part of your ensemble. Crying can ruin your mascara or make it clump. Don’t add more mascara as this increases the clumping. Take a toothpick and from the bases of the eyelashes gently separate them.
GUEST PROBLEMS / FAMILY FEUDS
Personally I think that people who cause trouble at weddings are simply selfish. Your wedding day is your day and not anyone else’s. A harsh rebuke will quell some fires but it should not be unacceptable for you or your groomsmen to ask a misbehaving guest to leave. You would rather remember one guest missing or leaving than having many guests embarrassed or upset because
of one selfish person. My opinion – if they are not going to suck it up to bless you on your wedding day, then perhaps they should not have been invited. A tip here to note prior to the wedding is to seat feuding parties on opposing sides of your wedding and reception and buffer them with friends and neutral parties in between.
A damaged cake can take the joy out of your day, but only if you let it. You can always turn the cake to hide the spoil and re-arrange the decorations, if they are moveable. You could cover the damaged area with your bouquet positioned strategically.
HEAD-ACHE, NAUSEA & GENERAL MALADIES
These are some of the greatest joy killers at any wedding. The stress that encumbers any wedding can wreak havoc with your body and may manifest unexpectedly in numerous unpredictable ways. The best remedy is NOT TO PANIC!!! ( unless you accidentally fell into a lake ). Just take a few minutes alone in a bathroom or deserted spot ( garden, room, hall, nursing room etc. ). You could ask the driver to turn on the aircon in the car and blast yourself for a few minutes to cool down. You are probably late already so a few more minutes won’t cause a train smash. Take some deep breaths and calm yourself. For general aches or headaches, take a quick acting aspirin or paracetamol based painkiller with about a glass of water ( unless you have a condition which prevents you from using over the counter painkillers ). Nausea can be quelled by a little water or if you like take an antacid – with nervousness and stress, stomach juices tend to be released and most brides don’t have time to eat before the ceremony and this exacerbates the problem. Chew on a cracker or a few bites of an apple and relax your mind. Mental preparedness is most key before you get caught in the pitfalls of worry and stress, so instead of psyching yourself up, practise psyching yourself down so that when the day comes you know how to find that “happy place”.
SUCKY SOUND SYSTEMS
Some blessed few can have the philharmonic string quartet bowing the classics at their reception. Most hire a DJ or live band. Remember that if the sound blows then you can do something about it. The DJ may be accustomed to teens bopping to mind blowingly loud music but it is hardly suitable at a wedding and contrary to DJ folklore, there is a volume control and even though it is fun to watch old aunt Flo who is seated near the loud speaker having her hair flapping in beat to the music. Some bands are great but those who suck can be asked to lipsync. Again, the wedding is yours and you decide what goes and what goes away.