Juju, you’re not edgy. You’re just a twit

CityPress - - Voices - Ch­ester Mi­sis­ing voices@city­press.co.za @chester­miss­ing is SA’s top po­lit­i­cal an­a­lyst pup­pet and as­so­ci­ated with ven­tril­o­quist @con­rad­koch

So Eco­nomic Free­dom Fighters leader Julius “Juju” Malema is un­der­min­ing Nel­son Man­dela and Zulu King Good­will Zwelithini is un­der­min­ing him­self. No­body must put the Zulu royal fam­ily into dis­re­pute be­cause, tech­ni­cally, that’s the king’s job. King Good­will Hunt­ing Xeno­pho­bia says the econ­omy was bet­ter un­der apartheid. Where did this di­nosaur study? The Dianne Kohler Barnard School of His­tory?

But Julius is ab­so­lutely right that eco­nomic change was de­ferred af­ter apartheid, but his Man­dela-bash­ing is op­por­tunis­tic, sim­plis­tic and mind-bog­glingly hyp­o­crit­i­cal.

Malema is ac­cus­ing a guy who spent 27 years in jail of sell­ing out. Julius looks like he spent seven years in Krispy Kreme. Umkhonto weDough­nut. One set­tler, one Bre­itling.

Julius never sold out be­cause, with a R1 mil­lion tax bill (thanks to money from ten­ders he bul­lied his way into), the sales just never stopped.

Madiba built metaphor­i­cal bridges and Julius had lit­eral ten­ders to build ac­tual bridges that he didn’t build – and now he’s giv­ing Madiba stick for stay­ing at a white man’s house af­ter he got out of jail. Juju, was the white guy’s name Louis Vuit­ton? Maybe you know him?

I’m a pup­pet, not an econ­o­mist, but you know, in the early 1990s, even the Chi­nese told Madiba not to na­tion­alise. They had tried it, and it failed.

The Chi­nese telling you not to na­tion­alise is like the Is­lamic State telling you you’re be­ing a bit too rad­i­cal. Like Don­ald Trump call­ing you racist. Like a guy with a R16 mil­lion tax-eva­sion bill telling you that you sold out the rev­o­lu­tion. He would know.

Julius said: “The ANC col­lec­tive had un­con­trol­lable am­bi­tion to be in power.”

No kid­ding. Some of them even threat­ened to kill for Zuma. It’s like see­ing Sponge Bob tell Free Willy he’s wet.

Another mind-bog­gling part of this is that Juju told the same cap­i­tal­ists in the UK who he’s warned us about that he just wants work­ers to have a big­ger share of busi­ness.

Some­one tell this twit that’s what we are al­ready do­ing. It’s called broad-based black eco­nomic em­pow­er­ment. Yes, it could be im­ple­mented bet­ter, but now you are just call­ing your Diet Coke “Coke Zero”. Julius is like that dude who walks in and de­mands we re­paint a red wall red.

The most ir­ri­tat­ing thing about this hat­ing on Man­dela thing is that it’s so done. It’s hack. We’ve been say­ing it for years.

Next, Juju will tell us he has this new idea called “fees must fall”.

Yes, the rain­bow na­tion Madiba rhetoric is a false shine on our de facto eco­nomic apartheid, but the fact is that mid­dle class wannabe rev­o­lu­tion­ar­ies have been say­ing for years that Man­dela sold us out. It has enough truth to sound edgy. But Madiba’s dead. It’s safe. It’s like start­ing a rap bat­tle with Tu­pac.

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