When lit­tle Timmy walks in on you

CityPress - - Trending - JADE ZWANE trend­ing@city­press.co.za

There’s noth­ing more awk­ward than your kids walk­ing in on you when you’re hav­ing sex. To avoid that hap­pen­ing, a lock should be used on your bed­room door once they are at an age where they are able to walk on their own. Not only will you avoid the un­com­fort­able con­ver­sa­tion that’s bound to fol­low af­ter they wit­ness you, it will also put your mind at ease and al­low you to re­lax dur­ing sex.

In the event that your child does walk in on you, here are a few guide­lines on how to han­dle the sit­u­a­tion. De­pend­ing on your child’s age, their un­der­stand­ing of what they see will vary. Chil­dren younger than three may not fully un­der­stand what they have seen. It is eas­ier with this age group to get away with say­ing “mommy and daddy were hug­ging or play wrestling”.

With chil­dren over three, it is im­por­tant to first es­tab­lish ex­actly what it is they saw and heard be­fore deal­ing with the sit­u­a­tion. Ask them. To foster a healthy at­ti­tude to­wards sex in your child, don’t be too em­bar­rassed that you were caught hav­ing sex, as you have done noth­ing wrong and this should be clear to your child. They should also not be made to feel guilty for hav­ing walked in on you. They too have done noth­ing wrong.

Con­front the sit­u­a­tion by an­swer­ing any and all ques­tions they may have. Be hon­est and fac­tual in your an­swers. Ex­plain that sex is nor­mal be­tween adults. Not all chil­dren will feel com­fort­able enough to ask ques­tions, so an ex­pla­na­tion from you may be nec­es­sary. Don’t give away too many de­tails and con­fuse them by us­ing lan­guage they won’t un­der­stand. Re­main calm and avoid sound­ing un­com­fort­able.

In the in­stance of teenagers walk­ing in on you, an ex­pla­na­tion of what sex is may not be nec­es­sary, as it is as­sumed that you would have had some con­ver­sa­tions with them about it and they’ve prob­a­bly fig­ured out a lot for them­selves al­ready. They are likely to feel most un­com­fort­able at this age, es­pe­cially if they don’t see their par­ents be­ing af­fec­tion­ate and kiss­ing on a nor­mal ba­sis. An apol­ogy from you, say­ing you should have locked the door, can be a great way to ini­ti­ate the con­ver­sa­tion. De­pend­ing on your child’s at­ti­tude to­wards sex at this age, they may shy away from the con­ver­sa­tion. Don’t over­ex­plain and make them feel un­nec­es­sar­ily un­com­fort­able by push­ing them to talk more than they want to. Again, do it with­out com­ing across as em­bar­rassed. You were caught do­ing some­thing per­fectly nat­u­ral and have noth­ing to be ashamed of. Don’t, un­der any cir­cum­stance, dis­miss the event and pre­tend noth­ing hap­pened. It is im­por­tant to ad­dress it.

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