The Clif­fCen­tral KKK clique

CityPress - - Voices - Ch­ester Miss­ing voices@city­press.co.za @chester­miss­ing is SA’s top po­lit­i­cal an­a­lyst pup­pet and as­so­ci­ated with ven­tril­o­quist @con­rad­koch

If you ever end up with a de­gree from Ox­ford Univer­sity, and come back to face the vi­o­lence of South Africa’s colo­nial past, make sure you have a snarky go at a white wait­ress in a restau­rant full of artists and broke stu­dents. That is the epi­cen­tre of power.

#FeesMustFall will al­ways start with #Tip­sMustFall. Some will point out that the wait­ress is tech­ni­cally sub­servient to you, and a vic­tim of your pa­tri­archy, but they are just ig­no­rant fools. Don’t go “let them eat cake”. Rather, eat the cake your­self, my mid­dle class friend, and then have a go at the wait­ress who brought you that cake. You get rev­o­lu­tion, and cake. Dou­ble score!

And when it comes to get­ting back the land, to hell with the Op­pen­heimers and the Ru­perts, or the ANC’s own failed land re­dis­tri­bu­tion poli­cies. White wait­resses are where it’s at. Down wait­resses, down!

On the other hand, if you are a white dude from Clif­fCen­tral, make sure you jump on a back­ward, racist “op­pressed white mi­nor­ity” nar­ra­tive to raise funds for one mildly of­fended wait­ress. Noth­ing shows up twits like be­ing an even big­ger twit. Noth­ing an­swers jus­ti­fi­able racial fury like mo­bil­is­ing your own al­tru­ism branch of the KKK. Who is this Ox­ford im­be­cile be­ing an­gry about land be­ing stolen? Black peo­ple should just stop be­ing an­gry, and go to their right­ful place, tak­ing self­ies with Gareth Cliff.

Be­sides, we just found the land here, didn’t we? This an­gry black guy has ab­so­lutely no rea­son to go: enough is enough. I mean, re­ally, just be­cause we came un­in­vited to an­other peo­ple’s coun­try, “dis­cov­ered” the land with guns, “dis­cov­ered” re­sources from them, “dis­cov­ered” their an­ces­tors into slav­ery and/or servi­tude, took away all vot­ing rights, and gave them sub­stan­dard ed­u­ca­tion, now they’re act­ing all an­noyed?

I com­pletely un­der­stand the Clif­fCen­tral KKK fundrais­ing clique. If any­one sug­gests, “hey, maybe the tone of your strat­egy will mo­bilise racism be­cause you your­selves are gal­vanis­ing this Steve Hofmeyr-ish op­pressed white mi­nor­ity dis­course”, shout the bastard down. There is no room for po­lit­i­cal nu­ance here. If any­one points out the priv­i­lege of white tears, call them a “lib­tard”. I know it’s not re­ally a word, but clev­er­ness is for gays and blacks, right? Boet.

And fi­nally, make sure you tell us about your black friends who helped to start your KKK fundraiser, or sup­port it, be­cause black peo­ple never sup­port racism right? Out­side of Ben Car­son help­ing Don­ald Trump, or those fools in the DA.

And don’t any of you dare call her a “wait­ron” in­stead of wait­ress. It’s just too PC and, as any in­ter­sec­tional rev­o­lu­tion­ary or white racist knows, a woman’s place is serv­ing drinks while the men talk pol­i­tics.

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