The CliffCentral KKK clique
If you ever end up with a degree from Oxford University, and come back to face the violence of South Africa’s colonial past, make sure you have a snarky go at a white waitress in a restaurant full of artists and broke students. That is the epicentre of power.
#FeesMustFall will always start with #TipsMustFall. Some will point out that the waitress is technically subservient to you, and a victim of your patriarchy, but they are just ignorant fools. Don’t go “let them eat cake”. Rather, eat the cake yourself, my middle class friend, and then have a go at the waitress who brought you that cake. You get revolution, and cake. Double score!
And when it comes to getting back the land, to hell with the Oppenheimers and the Ruperts, or the ANC’s own failed land redistribution policies. White waitresses are where it’s at. Down waitresses, down!
On the other hand, if you are a white dude from CliffCentral, make sure you jump on a backward, racist “oppressed white minority” narrative to raise funds for one mildly offended waitress. Nothing shows up twits like being an even bigger twit. Nothing answers justifiable racial fury like mobilising your own altruism branch of the KKK. Who is this Oxford imbecile being angry about land being stolen? Black people should just stop being angry, and go to their rightful place, taking selfies with Gareth Cliff.
Besides, we just found the land here, didn’t we? This angry black guy has absolutely no reason to go: enough is enough. I mean, really, just because we came uninvited to another people’s country, “discovered” the land with guns, “discovered” resources from them, “discovered” their ancestors into slavery and/or servitude, took away all voting rights, and gave them substandard education, now they’re acting all annoyed?
I completely understand the CliffCentral KKK fundraising clique. If anyone suggests, “hey, maybe the tone of your strategy will mobilise racism because you yourselves are galvanising this Steve Hofmeyr-ish oppressed white minority discourse”, shout the bastard down. There is no room for political nuance here. If anyone points out the privilege of white tears, call them a “libtard”. I know it’s not really a word, but cleverness is for gays and blacks, right? Boet.
And finally, make sure you tell us about your black friends who helped to start your KKK fundraiser, or support it, because black people never support racism right? Outside of Ben Carson helping Donald Trump, or those fools in the DA.
And don’t any of you dare call her a “waitron” instead of waitress. It’s just too PC and, as any intersectional revolutionary or white racist knows, a woman’s place is serving drinks while the men talk politics.