The fun side of state cap­ture

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Thuli Madon­sela’s State of Cap­ture re­port is a heavy read, but there are some light­hearted mo­ments.

A closer look re­veals teenager-like SMSes, and that Pres­i­dent Ja­cob Zuma may be a poor head of state, but at least he taught his chil­dren some good man­ners.

On page 100 of the re­port is an SMS from deputy fi­nance min­is­ter Mce­bisi Jonas, the hero of the state cap­ture in­ves­ti­ga­tion who was of­fered the job of fi­nance min­is­ter by Ajay Gupta, the re­port found.

In the SMS to Zuma’s son, Duduzane, who had asked to speak to him to set up a meet­ing with his Gupta bosses, Jonas texts like a teenager: “Hi Cde. Tried 2 call u.”

Zuma jr re­sponds in the most re­spect­ful way on Oc­to­ber 22 last year, the day univer­sity stu­dents marched on Par­lia­ment in a #FeesMustFall protest.

“Good morn­ing Sir,” he writes, his pri­vate school spell­ing and man­ners on dis­play. “I trust that you made it out of the Par­lia­ment build­ing un­scathed. I tried to call, please re­turn my call when. Kind­est Regards, Duduzani (sic).” It is un­clear why he spelt his name that way.

In the three SMSes from Duduzane Zuma in­cluded in Madon­sela’s re­port, he un­fail­ingly calls Jonas “Sir”, and there are many pleases in­cluded.

Mean­while, with the words: “There’s a she­been there, two streets away from the Gup­tas. I will not ad­mit or deny that I’ve gone to the she­been,” Eskom CEO Brian Molefe set himself up for a mas­sive ridicule fest in the Twit­ter­verse. #Sax­on­woldShe­been start­ing trend­ing late Thurs­day, shortly af­ter Molefe’s tear­ful me­dia con­fer­ence fol­low­ing the re­lease of the re­port, and the re­sponses were ... let’s just say bru­tal.

A small se­lec­tion of tweets:

From Ran­dom Awe­some­ness: Try the #Sax­on­woldShe­been new drink ‘the load shed­der’ – it’s a shot in the dark. Max du Preez wrote: Week­end spe­cial at #Sax­on­woldShe­been: Croc­o­dile Tears on ice with a dash of Thuli Juice.

An­other wag wrote: #TearsO­faCEO – #Sax­on­woldShe­been is the #fire­pool equiv­a­lent. Things that are prob­a­ble but in re­al­ity don’t ex­ist.

And an­other: Sax­on­woldShe­been @StateShe­been – Re­mem­ber: Fri­day nights are BYOFM nights (Bring Your Own Fi­nance Min­is­ter) only at the #Sax­on­woldShe­been.

Robert de Niro, eat your heart out. Brian Molefe is the new man in town

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