If you’re dis­sat­is­fied with your love life, try adding a lit­tle spice

CityPress - - News - ZINHLE MAPUMULO zinhle.mapumulo@city­

Has sex be­come dull and bor­ing in your re­la­tion­ship? If yes, you need to spice things up by in­tro­duc­ing new things into your bed­room, say the ex­perts. Re­searchers say that cou­ples who ex­plore dif­fer­ent sex po­si­tions, act out fan­tasies, set the mood with light­ing and mu­sic or send se­duc­tive texts mes­sages to each other dur­ing the day are sat­is­fied sex­u­ally.

They have found that try­ing new things and telling your part­ner that you love them dur­ing sex could keep the fire burn­ing for longer, es­pe­cially if you have been with the same per­son for years.

The study, pub­lished in the Jour­nal of Sex Re­search by Chap­man Univer­sity in the US last Fe­bru­ary, showed that cou­ples who gave and re­ceived more oral sex, ex­pe­ri­enced or­gasms fre­quently and had sex more of­ten re­ported feel­ing hap­pier in their re­la­tion­ships.

In this study, re­searchers ex­am­ined more than 38 747 mar­ried or co­hab­it­ing het­ero­sex­ual men and women in the US who had been with their part­ner for at least three years.

The team looked at com­mon ro­man­tic and sex­ual be­hav­iours that are rarely as­sessed in aca­demic lit­er­a­ture – such as show­er­ing to­gether, wear­ing lin­gerie or us­ing sex toys – but are deemed to be im­por­tant con­trib­u­tors to sex­ual sat­is­fac­tion.

An over­whelm­ing ma­jor­ity (83%) re­ported that they were sex­u­ally sat­is­fied in the first six months of the re­la­tion­ship. How­ever, only half re­ported that they were cur­rently be­ing sat­is­fied (43% of men and 55% of women).

Dr Tlaleng Mo­fo­keng, a prac­ti­tioner spe­cial­is­ing in sex­u­al­ity and sex­ual health, said the pic­ture painted by the study showed that chem­istry of­ten faded among cou­ples who had been to­gether for a while.

“If new things are not in­tro­duced into their sex life, the chem­istry will fiz­zle,” she said.

“Sex is of­ten ex­cit­ing and steamy when it’s done with a new per­son. But af­ter time and a con­tin­u­ous rou­tine, one or both part­ners could feel that they want more than what they are get­ting.

“This is why the in­tro­duc­tion of sex toys and other en­hanc­ing prod­ucts should be ex­plored in a re­la­tion­ship.” Casey Blake, a coun­sel­lor spe­cial­is­ing in sex­u­al­ity at What Now Coun­selling, said sex can­not be rou­tine be­cause it will be­come bor­ing.

“Cou­ples have to in­tro­duce new things into their sex lives – be it sex toys or new po­si­tions. This be­gins by com­mu­ni­cat­ing with your part­ner and know­ing what plea­sures you.” Mo­fo­keng added that part­ners needed to talk about chang­ing their rou­tines and in­tro­duc­ing new things.

“You can’t just in­tro­duce a sex toy dur­ing sex when you have never used it or even talked about us­ing it. Such sur­prises cause anx­i­ety and mis­trust,” she said.

The study also found that many women suf­fer in si­lence and that nearly half of the women who were sex­u­ally dis­sat­is­fied were “just go­ing through the mo­tions for my part­ner’s sake”.

Both Mo­fo­keng and Blake said such peo­ple were short-chang­ing them­selves.

“Sex is a jour­ney where two peo­ple go to the plea­sure zone to­gether,” Blake said.

Mo­fo­keng said: “Your part­ner will con­tinue do­ing the same things if he or she thinks it ex­cites you, yet you are re­ward­ing sex­ual be­hav­iour that is not turn­ing you on.”

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