KEEP THE SEX HOT
If you’re dissatisfied with your love life, try adding a little spice
Has sex become dull and boring in your relationship? If yes, you need to spice things up by introducing new things into your bedroom, say the experts. Researchers say that couples who explore different sex positions, act out fantasies, set the mood with lighting and music or send seductive texts messages to each other during the day are satisfied sexually.
They have found that trying new things and telling your partner that you love them during sex could keep the fire burning for longer, especially if you have been with the same person for years.
The study, published in the Journal of Sex Research by Chapman University in the US last February, showed that couples who gave and received more oral sex, experienced orgasms frequently and had sex more often reported feeling happier in their relationships.
In this study, researchers examined more than 38 747 married or cohabiting heterosexual men and women in the US who had been with their partner for at least three years.
The team looked at common romantic and sexual behaviours that are rarely assessed in academic literature – such as showering together, wearing lingerie or using sex toys – but are deemed to be important contributors to sexual satisfaction.
An overwhelming majority (83%) reported that they were sexually satisfied in the first six months of the relationship. However, only half reported that they were currently being satisfied (43% of men and 55% of women).
Dr Tlaleng Mofokeng, a practitioner specialising in sexuality and sexual health, said the picture painted by the study showed that chemistry often faded among couples who had been together for a while.
“If new things are not introduced into their sex life, the chemistry will fizzle,” she said.
“Sex is often exciting and steamy when it’s done with a new person. But after time and a continuous routine, one or both partners could feel that they want more than what they are getting.
“This is why the introduction of sex toys and other enhancing products should be explored in a relationship.” Casey Blake, a counsellor specialising in sexuality at What Now Counselling, said sex cannot be routine because it will become boring.
“Couples have to introduce new things into their sex lives – be it sex toys or new positions. This begins by communicating with your partner and knowing what pleasures you.” Mofokeng added that partners needed to talk about changing their routines and introducing new things.
“You can’t just introduce a sex toy during sex when you have never used it or even talked about using it. Such surprises cause anxiety and mistrust,” she said.
The study also found that many women suffer in silence and that nearly half of the women who were sexually dissatisfied were “just going through the motions for my partner’s sake”.
Both Mofokeng and Blake said such people were short-changing themselves.
“Sex is a journey where two people go to the pleasure zone together,” Blake said.
Mofokeng said: “Your partner will continue doing the same things if he or she thinks it excites you, yet you are rewarding sexual behaviour that is not turning you on.”