Our co­me­di­ans have the Zuma-Trump phone chat down pat

CityPress - - News -

The fi­nale of the Roast Bat­tle airs on Com­edy Cen­tral tomorrow night, and City Press has asked par­tic­i­pat­ing co­me­di­ans to imag­ine how US Pres­i­dent Don­ald Trump’s phone call to our own Pres­i­dent Ja­cob Zuma went down.

Co­me­dian Dave Levin­sohn said he was sure it was the first time a pres­i­dent had to re­ply to a “Please call me” mes­sage.

Trump: How much did you pay for your fan­tas­tic great wall at Nkandla?

Zuma: Noth­ing! The tax­pay­ers bought it for me. Trump: Smart. Any ad­vice for my fan­tas­tic wall? Zuma: We can put it out to ten­der. My friends, the Guptas, own a com­pany called Wall ... and all, and all. We get you three quotes, then just add 189mil­lioneleven­tyt­hou­sand&345% to the low­est quote.

Trump: Sounds fair. Zuma: South Africans are very proud to see a man of colour in the White House. Or­ange is the new black, hey? Heh, heh, heh, heh. Trump: Very funny. I want to make South Africa great again. How can I help? Zuma: The only way that that will hap­pen is if you tell me, ‘You’re fired!’ Trump: Fan­tas­tic. Great. You’re fired! Z: Heh, heh, heh, heh ... (clears throat) Don­ald, it’s not that easy. I have an­other year left to fix my bank ac­cou ... I mean my coun­try. I have to go now; run­ning out of air­time! Riche­lieu Beaunoir said he thought Zuma would open with: “Hello, Don­ald, heh heh, con grat u la­tions on be­com­ing pres­i­dent.” And then end with: “I’ve got to run now, Don­ald. My wives are call­ing me. Be­fore I leave, do you have 250 and zero and mil­lion rand to lend me? I’ll pay it back, I prom­ise. Heh, heh, heh, heh.” Trump: You’re ... break­ing ... up... (click).” Thabiso Mh­longo had a shorter take on things, say­ing Zuma would prob­a­bly ask Trump to “please send me a quote for the wall, I want to build one around Nkandla”. Dono­van Go­liath imag­ined Trump would prob­a­bly trump Zuma on the phone, ask­ing: “Hey Ja­cob! Wanna know why you could never be cast as Drac­ula?” Zuma: Why, bra Oros? Trump: Be­cause you can’t ... wait for it ... count. (Laughs hys­ter­i­cally and hangs up) Catch the hi­lar­ity on DStv chan­nel 122 at 9pm.

reporter – Staff

Riche­lieu Beaunoir

Dave Levin­sohn

Newspapers in English

Newspapers from South Africa

© PressReader. All rights reserved.