Ask Him Any­thing

Ad­vice from our guy guru

Cosmopolitan (South Africa) - - CONTENTS - GOT A QUES­TION FOR OUR GUY? TWEET @COSMOPOLITANS A WITH #ASK HIM ANY­THING OR E-MAIL COS­MOPOLI­TAN@AS­SOC­ME­DIA.CO.ZA

Q/I love my man, but when he drinks too much he can get ag­gres­sive. He’s never threat­ened me, but he of­ten picks fights with other guys at clubs and bars. I’m ter­ri­fied that one night a fight will take a se­ri­ous turn and land him (or some­one else) in hospi­tal. How do I deal? I’m also not sure I can ask him to quit drink­ing, as it’s a big part of our so­cial life.

A/Some peo­ple just aren’t good drinkers, and maybe your SO is one of them. Ei­ther way, you’ve got to find a com­pro­mise where you can go out to­gether with­out spend­ing the night feel­ing anx­ious about what he’ll do. How about sug­gest­ing a sober June, and do­ing it with him? That way, you aren’t sin­gling him out, you’re pro­vid­ing sup­port and you’ve got a case to raise about his drink­ing if a month of be­ing sober re­ally does make him a nicer per­son. And if he stills acts like a douche sober? Time to say good­bye and stick to friends who are fun to be around, drink­ing or dry.

Q/I’ve been with my guy for a few years and I love him deeply. That said, our sex life has been a lit­tle, well, flat and I’ve been think­ing about hook­ing up with other guys – just for the sex. How can I sug­gest an open re­la­tion­ship to my BF with­out hurt­ing him? The last thing I want to do is lose him.

A/The big ques­tion is: do you still want to be with bae? It’s pos­si­ble to find a part­ner who gives you emo­tional and sex­ual fulfi lment. An open re­la­tion­ship shouldn’t be a plas­ter over a fail­ing one, but a con­sid­ered op­tion if that’s what your per­sonal pref­er­ence is. (Some peo­ple just aren’t monog­a­mous – but that’s be­cause of who they are, not who they’re with.) Once you’ve got that fig­ured out, you’ll know your route: break up with bae be­cause, ac­tu­ally, it’s just not work­ing; or broach be­ing in an open re­la­tion­ship be­cause that’s who you are.

Q/MY BF RE­FUSES TO GO OUT IN PUB­LIC WITH ME. I’M HIS FIRST OF­FI­CIAL GF AND I KNOW THAT HE’S STILL GET­TING USED TO THE IDEA OF US TO­GETHER, BUT I JUST WANT TO BE ABLE TO SHOW HIM OFF. IS HE ASHAMED OF ME?

A/A few words jump out at me: ‘re­fuses’, ‘of­fi­cial’, ‘ashamed’. Heavy words for some­thing new! Start by ask­ing your BF whether he has a prob­lem go­ing pub­lic with you, and let­ting him know that you’re hurt by his be­hav­iour so far. If things don’t change? Find some­one who can’t wait to be seen with you – where the words to de­scribe your re­la­tion­ship are more like ‘ea­ger’, ‘ex­cited’ and ‘proud’. You de­serve it!

Newspapers in English

Newspapers from South Africa

© PressReader. All rights reserved.