Ask Him Anything
Advice from our guy guru
Q/I love my man, but when he drinks too much he can get aggressive. He’s never threatened me, but he often picks fights with other guys at clubs and bars. I’m terrified that one night a fight will take a serious turn and land him (or someone else) in hospital. How do I deal? I’m also not sure I can ask him to quit drinking, as it’s a big part of our social life.
A/Some people just aren’t good drinkers, and maybe your SO is one of them. Either way, you’ve got to find a compromise where you can go out together without spending the night feeling anxious about what he’ll do. How about suggesting a sober June, and doing it with him? That way, you aren’t singling him out, you’re providing support and you’ve got a case to raise about his drinking if a month of being sober really does make him a nicer person. And if he stills acts like a douche sober? Time to say goodbye and stick to friends who are fun to be around, drinking or dry.
Q/I’ve been with my guy for a few years and I love him deeply. That said, our sex life has been a little, well, flat and I’ve been thinking about hooking up with other guys – just for the sex. How can I suggest an open relationship to my BF without hurting him? The last thing I want to do is lose him.
A/The big question is: do you still want to be with bae? It’s possible to find a partner who gives you emotional and sexual fulfi lment. An open relationship shouldn’t be a plaster over a failing one, but a considered option if that’s what your personal preference is. (Some people just aren’t monogamous – but that’s because of who they are, not who they’re with.) Once you’ve got that figured out, you’ll know your route: break up with bae because, actually, it’s just not working; or broach being in an open relationship because that’s who you are.
Q/MY BF REFUSES TO GO OUT IN PUBLIC WITH ME. I’M HIS FIRST OFFICIAL GF AND I KNOW THAT HE’S STILL GETTING USED TO THE IDEA OF US TOGETHER, BUT I JUST WANT TO BE ABLE TO SHOW HIM OFF. IS HE ASHAMED OF ME?
A/A few words jump out at me: ‘refuses’, ‘official’, ‘ashamed’. Heavy words for something new! Start by asking your BF whether he has a problem going public with you, and letting him know that you’re hurt by his behaviour so far. If things don’t change? Find someone who can’t wait to be seen with you – where the words to describe your relationship are more like ‘eager’, ‘excited’ and ‘proud’. You deserve it!