You may never be psyched about your friend’s mas­sive pay in­crease, but envy can still be a pow­er­ful mo­ti­va­tor

Cosmopolitan (South Africa) - - CAREER -

If you’re like the rest of us (i.e. hu­man), this sce­nario might sound a teeny bit too fa­mil­iar: you’re sit­ting at your desk when an e-mail pops up about Per­fect Girl’s amaz­ing pro­mo­tion. There she is, with her sham­poo-ad­vert hair, in her city apart­ment with her Ryan Goslin­glook alike boyfriend – or what­ever the ir­ri­tat­ing de­tails of her an­noy­ingly ideal life hap­pen to be. You should feel happy for her, right? Truth is, you can’t help seething. Def­i­nitely not the health­i­est re­ac­tion – but hey, we’ve all been there. Your sal­va­tion? Pro­duc­tive ways to deal when the green-eyed mon­ster rears its head.

‘Feel­ing jeal­ous can pro­vide you with valu­able in­for­ma­tion about your­self,’ says Ze­lana Mont­miny, au­thor of 21 Days To Re­silience. It could even give you a clearer sense of what you want in life. So next time P- Girl nails a pre­sen­ta­tion at work, con­sult these point­ers.


Be­cause what you’re feel­ing is not about her – it’s about you. ‘Neg­a­tive emo­tions are of­ten trig­gered by some­one hav­ing some­thing we value but don’t have our­selves,’ ex­plains Ju­dith Wright, a re­la­tion­ships ex­pert. So use those yucky feel­ings as a wake-up call to clue you into what’s miss­ing in your world. Dig deep to de­ter­mine what she has that you want. What­ever it is, take the fi rst lit­tle steps to­wards feel­ing bet­ter by writ­ing down a bul­let list of what you covet.


Be­cause once you’ve ze­roed in on your de­sires, you have to make them a re­al­ity. ‘In­stead of al­low­ing other peo­ple’s suc­cess to drag us down, it’s smarter to use it as in­spi­ra­tion,’ says Wright. ‘Ask your­self what you could be do­ing to be in her po­si­tion.’ If you want the con­fi­dence to speak up in meet­ings, sign up for a sem­i­nar. Do you want to be a bet­ter team man­ager? Find out whether your com­pany of­fers lead­er­ship cour­ses. Take prac­ti­cal steps to achieve your de­sires in­stead of sim­ply feel­ing jeal­ous of other peo­ple’s achieve­ments.


Be­cause we can all get a lit­tle dis­cour­aged when it comes to mak­ing changes – but it’s im­por­tant for you to stay fo­cused on your goal.

‘Re­mem­ber that sat­is­fy­ing a yearn­ing doesn’t re­quire huge leaps or dras­tic changes,’ says Wright. ‘ Some­times, it’s more help­ful to do small things reg­u­larly and keep pro­gress­ing.’ In the mean­time, if you see youknow-who show­cas­ing her baller life, take a breath and re­mind your­self that soon you’re gonna have the life you want too.


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