Ask Him Any­thing

Ad­vice from our guy guru

Cosmopolitan (South Africa) - - CONTENTS -

Q/

When we got to­gether, my hus­band was out­go­ing and ac­tive. Now, he never wants to leave the house. What’s the deal?

A/

There’s a good chance he thinks he’s do­ing what mar­ried men are ‘sup­posed to’: stay­ing in and be­ing ‘re­spon­si­ble’. Work might also be adding to this: does he feel pres­sured to work harder now, to pro­vide more? If so, it could be that he’s su­per-tired by the time he gets home and just wants to put his feet up. In­stead of crit­i­cis­ing, re­mind him how much you love his out­go­ing, get-upand-go na­ture. And when he is be­ing ac­tive or ad­ven­tur­ous, note it and be sure to com­pli­ment him. An­other good way to help him get his groove back: sug­gest a monthly date night that plays into his best traits. Try out new bars, res­tau­rants or ac­tiv­i­ties that’ll reignite that side of him.

Q/

My boyfriend doesn’t smoke cig­a­rettes in front of me, but he se­cretly smokes when he’s stressed. How do I ap­proach him about it with­out him get­ting de­fen­sive?

A/

First, let him know that you’re on his side – it’s key he doesn’t feel the need to hide things from you. Ask him what’s stress­ing him out, and how you can help him cope with his stress. If you can come up with a cop­ing mech­a­nism be­tween the two of you that in­cludes hon­esty, his smok­ing as an is­sue may dis­ap­pear en­tirely. Flag health con­cerns, too – he may be re­spon­sive to quit­ting smok­ing if he knows it’s be­cause you’re wor­ried about his well­be­ing, rather than that you’re sim­ply telling him off.

Q/

THE GUY I’VE BEEN SEE­ING HAS STARTED IN­TRO­DUC­ING ME AS HIS GIRL­FRIEND, BUT WE NEVER HAD THE DTR CONVO. HOW DO I SLOW HIM DOWN?

A/

Noth­ing beats be­ing hon­est with him. Find a time when it’s just the two of you, and ask for clar­ity. Frame it in a pos­i­tive way, like, ‘I’d like to un­der­stand how you see us and what you mean by call­ing me your girl­friend.’ Lis­ten to where he’s at and con­sider if it aligns with your needs. If him in­tro­duc­ing you as his GF both­ers you, ex­plain why – and how you want him to in­tro­duce you to peo­ple in the fu­ture. Of­ten we as­sume things in re­la­tion­ships with­out mean­ing any harm, so check­ing in with him is the best way to get onto the same page.

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