Ask Him Anything
Advice from our guy guru
When we got together, my husband was outgoing and active. Now, he never wants to leave the house. What’s the deal?
There’s a good chance he thinks he’s doing what married men are ‘supposed to’: staying in and being ‘responsible’. Work might also be adding to this: does he feel pressured to work harder now, to provide more? If so, it could be that he’s super-tired by the time he gets home and just wants to put his feet up. Instead of criticising, remind him how much you love his outgoing, get-upand-go nature. And when he is being active or adventurous, note it and be sure to compliment him. Another good way to help him get his groove back: suggest a monthly date night that plays into his best traits. Try out new bars, restaurants or activities that’ll reignite that side of him.
My boyfriend doesn’t smoke cigarettes in front of me, but he secretly smokes when he’s stressed. How do I approach him about it without him getting defensive?
First, let him know that you’re on his side – it’s key he doesn’t feel the need to hide things from you. Ask him what’s stressing him out, and how you can help him cope with his stress. If you can come up with a coping mechanism between the two of you that includes honesty, his smoking as an issue may disappear entirely. Flag health concerns, too – he may be responsive to quitting smoking if he knows it’s because you’re worried about his wellbeing, rather than that you’re simply telling him off.
THE GUY I’VE BEEN SEEING HAS STARTED INTRODUCING ME AS HIS GIRLFRIEND, BUT WE NEVER HAD THE DTR CONVO. HOW DO I SLOW HIM DOWN?
Nothing beats being honest with him. Find a time when it’s just the two of you, and ask for clarity. Frame it in a positive way, like, ‘I’d like to understand how you see us and what you mean by calling me your girlfriend.’ Listen to where he’s at and consider if it aligns with your needs. If him introducing you as his GF bothers you, explain why – and how you want him to introduce you to people in the future. Often we assume things in relationships without meaning any harm, so checking in with him is the best way to get onto the same page.