When to Let an Ex Back in – And When Not to
after breaking up more than three years ago, the hottest celeb couple is back on and smouldering. are we talking about Selena gomez and Justin Bieber? or Liam hemsworth and Miley Cyrus? or perhaps Chris Evans and Jenny Slate?
Yeah, lately there seem to be many former couples, famous and not, who’ve rekindled their love (even temporarily). In fact, one study found that nearly 45% of people aged between 17 and 24 have got back together with an ex at least once. But how do you know whether backsliding is a good idea?
Despite the depressing adage about people never changing, evidence suggests that your connection with someone from the past actually can transform, given the right circumstances. In fact, exes who reunite tend to have a higher level of ‘intimate self-disclosure’ than couples who are making it official for the first time, says Sarah Halpern-Meekin, an associate professor in the School of Human Ecology at the University of Wisconsin at Madison. ‘ They’re more likely to share thoughts, fears, hopes and feelings, and feel bonded in an important way,’ she explains. Here’s how to size up whether your happily ever after, version 2.0, is a go.
1 Do you for a while
If your split is fresh, odds are you’re missing bae like crazy. But it’s crucial to give yourself time alone to recuperate from the relationship-ending blow. So, hang with your BFFs. Take a bunch of splurge-y workout classes. Go on dates with people who are totally different from Ex-y McExerson. In short: get over them.
That might seem counterintuitive, but research shows that working through the difficulties of a nasty split on your own can help you experience personal growth. ‘When you’re still stinging from a break-up, be cautious about getting back together with your ex – you risk ripping open partially healed wounds,’ says relationships expert Ty Tashiro, author of Awkward.
If you reconcile right away, you’ll deal with the same BS that irked you before. But if you put in the solo time and work, then if/when you two do reconnect, both of you will have more self-reliance and a clearer idea of what you want in a romantic partner.