Sex Q&A

Hon­est an­swers to your most pri­vate ques­tions.

Cosmopolitan (South Africa) - - CONTENTS - by julie Vadnal

I’ve mas­tur­bated a few times – but I’m not sure whether I’ve ever or­gasmed. How will I know?

AAl­low us to whip out some text­book speak: an or­gasm is de­fined as in­vol­un­tary mus­cle con­trac­tions that cause a re­lease of sex­ual ten­sion in and around the gen­i­tals. In the lead-up to one, you’ll typ­i­cally no­tice your heart beat­ing faster and your breath­ing get­ting heav­ier; you might even feel your cli­toris swell up. Re­lax and go with the sen­sa­tions. ‘It’s easy to fo­cus so much on or­gas­ming that you psych your­self out of hav­ing one,’ says sex and re­la­tion­ship ex­pert Lo­gan Levkoff. If you en­joy the ride, a cli­max will be more likely to ar­rive.

Is it gross to go down on my guy af­ter he’s been in­side me?

A De­pends on your def­i­ni­tion of gross.

In terms of your health, get­ting vagi­nal mat­ter in your mouth (even if you have a yeast or bac­te­rial in­fec­tion) doesn’t pose a risk, says gy­nae­col­o­gist Sherry Ross, au­thor of She-Ol­ogy. How­ever, if you have an STI such as chlamy­dia, gon­or­rhoea, syphilis or HPV, you can trans­mit it to your mouth or throat by giv­ing your guy a BJ af­ter P-in-V pen­e­tra­tion. And if you’re hav­ing anal sex, you ab­so­lutely must wash him off be­fore you switch to oral or vagi­nal sex.

Not only is get­ting fae­cal mat­ter in your mouth one­hun­dred-per­cent nasty, but it can also make you very sick.

I’m al­ler­gic to ev­ery­thing. What’s my safest lube op­tion?

ALook for a tube that’s la­belled ‘or­ganic’ or ‘un­scented’. In gen­eral, th­ese are bet­ter for sen­si­tive zones than other ver­sions. Try to find one that’s ve­gan and fra­grance-free, and also free of petroleum, sil­i­cone, parabens and glyc­er­ine, such as Or­ganic Ma­chine Sen­sual Glide. It won’t dis­rupt your down-there pH or healthy­bac­te­ria bal­ance, so you can glide worry-free.

I pre­fer to get it on in the morn­ing; my girl­friend likes it at night. How do we com­pro­mise?

AYour con­flict­ing horni­ness lev­els can be blamed on hor­mones (which, for women, fluc­tu­ate through­out the day and tend to af­fect each per­son in a dif­fer­ent way) or on var­i­ous life­style fac­tors, says sex ther­a­pist Neil Can­non. Does your girl­friend wake up and im­me­di­ately check her phone? That can be a tense way to start the day – and stress is a li­bido killer. The same goes for you if you’re wound up at night. The best so­lu­tion? Make a sex sched­ule that caters to both of your time pref­er­ences equally.

I’m into girl-on­top, but it makes my leg mus­cles burn. Help! A

Op­tion A: spin around into re­verse cow­girl, with your feet on the bed be­side your part­ner’s legs. Then arch your back and place your hands on ei­ther side of his body for sup­port. ‘This way, you’re not sit­ting on your bent legs, which can cause cramp­ing from lack of blood f low,’ says sex­ol­o­gist Sadie Allison, founder of Tick­lekitty.com. Op­tion B: switch po­si­tions ev­ery three min­utes – cow­girl, re­verse cow­girl, etc – to give your mus­cles enough rest.

What do nip­ple clamps even do? A

They may look like a tool you’d use to jump-start a car, but th­ese clamps sur­round and squeeze your erect nip­ple tis­sue. That’s a good thing (prom­ise!): nip stim­u­la­tion floods your body with oxy­tocin, a neu­ro­trans­mit­ter that’s con­nected to sex­ual plea­sure and bond­ing, says Allison. And stud­ies show that boob play ac­ti­vates the same area of your brain as gen­i­tal touch­ing does. For your first time, try an ad­justable pair so you can test dif­fer­ent lev­els of pres­sure un­til it feels just right. ■

oh, you’ll feel to­tally shook…

or­gAnic mA­chine sEn­sual GliDE (R268 at FaithFul­to­na­ture.co.za)

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