Honest answers to your most private questions.
I’ve masturbated a few times – but I’m not sure whether I’ve ever orgasmed. How will I know?
AAllow us to whip out some textbook speak: an orgasm is defined as involuntary muscle contractions that cause a release of sexual tension in and around the genitals. In the lead-up to one, you’ll typically notice your heart beating faster and your breathing getting heavier; you might even feel your clitoris swell up. Relax and go with the sensations. ‘It’s easy to focus so much on orgasming that you psych yourself out of having one,’ says sex and relationship expert Logan Levkoff. If you enjoy the ride, a climax will be more likely to arrive.
Is it gross to go down on my guy after he’s been inside me?
A Depends on your definition of gross.
In terms of your health, getting vaginal matter in your mouth (even if you have a yeast or bacterial infection) doesn’t pose a risk, says gynaecologist Sherry Ross, author of She-Ology. However, if you have an STI such as chlamydia, gonorrhoea, syphilis or HPV, you can transmit it to your mouth or throat by giving your guy a BJ after P-in-V penetration. And if you’re having anal sex, you absolutely must wash him off before you switch to oral or vaginal sex.
Not only is getting faecal matter in your mouth onehundred-percent nasty, but it can also make you very sick.
I’m allergic to everything. What’s my safest lube option?
ALook for a tube that’s labelled ‘organic’ or ‘unscented’. In general, these are better for sensitive zones than other versions. Try to find one that’s vegan and fragrance-free, and also free of petroleum, silicone, parabens and glycerine, such as Organic Machine Sensual Glide. It won’t disrupt your down-there pH or healthybacteria balance, so you can glide worry-free.
I prefer to get it on in the morning; my girlfriend likes it at night. How do we compromise?
AYour conflicting horniness levels can be blamed on hormones (which, for women, fluctuate throughout the day and tend to affect each person in a different way) or on various lifestyle factors, says sex therapist Neil Cannon. Does your girlfriend wake up and immediately check her phone? That can be a tense way to start the day – and stress is a libido killer. The same goes for you if you’re wound up at night. The best solution? Make a sex schedule that caters to both of your time preferences equally.
I’m into girl-ontop, but it makes my leg muscles burn. Help! A
Option A: spin around into reverse cowgirl, with your feet on the bed beside your partner’s legs. Then arch your back and place your hands on either side of his body for support. ‘This way, you’re not sitting on your bent legs, which can cause cramping from lack of blood f low,’ says sexologist Sadie Allison, founder of Ticklekitty.com. Option B: switch positions every three minutes – cowgirl, reverse cowgirl, etc – to give your muscles enough rest.
What do nipple clamps even do? A
They may look like a tool you’d use to jump-start a car, but these clamps surround and squeeze your erect nipple tissue. That’s a good thing (promise!): nip stimulation floods your body with oxytocin, a neurotransmitter that’s connected to sexual pleasure and bonding, says Allison. And studies show that boob play activates the same area of your brain as genital touching does. For your first time, try an adjustable pair so you can test different levels of pressure until it feels just right. ■
oh, you’ll feel totally shook…
orgAnic mAchine sEnsual GliDE (R268 at FaithFultonature.co.za)