ASK SIS DOLLY
Need advice? E-mail sisdolly@ drum.co.za or SMS the keywords SIS DOLLY followed by your question and name to 36489. Each SMS (160 characters) costs R1.
Q I WANT THEM BOTH
I’m dating two guys: one is working and is cash-loaded; the other is in varsity and broke. I care about the one who’s working and I feel like I’m only dating the broke one because he has a disease people don’t understand. Without me, he’s alone. What should I do? IK, E-MAIL
A Why did you put yourself in this situation in the first place? You can’t be in a fulfilling relationship with both of them. It’s possible there’s one you love and one you’re just using or stringing along. You need to determine which is which and break ties with one.
Take the money away from the one guy and the disease away from the other and see if there’s anything left in them you’re attracted to.
QI WANT MY HOUSE BACK
My husband and I have three kids. Last year we started fighting because he drinks every day and comes home late. He stopped buying food so I locked him out but he called the police. I’ve asked for protection from him but he kicked us out of the house. How can I get the house back? HOMELESS, SMS
A Your husband has no right to chase you and the children out of the family home. Both of you are entitled to live in the house if you’re married in community of property.
The only time one can move out is when an agreement has been reached through the courts during a divorce or one partner decides to buy the other partner out.
You can go to your nearest magistrate’s court and speak to a family court officer. You can also pursue a maintenance issue through the court.
Q WE MAKE UP AND BREAK UP
I’m 22 and was dating a 21-year-old guy. Everything was fine until we started having lots of arguments. Whenever we argue he wants out and we break up. After a few days we get back together.
I’m starting to think he never loved me because he always breaks up with me over some stupid fight. Does this guy really love me or not? Or perhaps he’s acting this way because he has someone else. What do you think? ZK, E-MAIL
A A relationship is about two people and it needs both parties to be committed for it to work. Deciding to break up every time there’s a misunderstanding won’t solve the challenges you’re facing.
You and your partner need to figure out what makes you fight a lot and over “stupid” things. Don’t speculate about why your boyfriend acts the way he does – talk to him about it. You can then both come up with a strategy to deal with future conflict.
QI DON’T WANT HIM
I gave the father of my child a second chance but he has no direction or ambition. He has two other children with someone else. He has treated our child very badly, and me too sometimes.
For a month he’s given us the silent treatment. I’m scared to get a court order against him but I don’t want him in our lives any more. Please help. ANONYMOUS, SMS
A It seems you’ve already decided that you want to part ways with your baby daddy. The only thing you need to do now is set the wheels in motion and take the first step. He has to understand why all this is happening so you need to talk to him and tell him what you’ve decided.
Getting a protection order against him is advisable if you feel you and your child won’t be safe. You can seek the help of a relationship counsellor at Family Life Centre. Call them on 011-788-4784 to set up a session in a neutral, safe environment.
Q HE DATED MY NEIGHBOUR
A long time ago my boyfriend used to date my neighbour, who’s also my best friend. I didn’t know about their relationship but I once asked them if they’d known each other intimately and they said no. Much later I found out the truth on Facebook and I feel stupid because everyone knew except me. I really love my boyfriend but I feel cheap. LP, E-MAIL
A Perhaps you feel angry that neither of them told you about their former relationship, but if the flame between them is long dead then why are you getting upset? As long as nothing else is currently going on, don’t ruin two good relationships because your pride has taken a knock.
Tell your boyfriend you’d prefer it if he didn’t have secrets about his past lovers, especially those you might know, and explain to him that you feel stupid for being the last to find out about his former romance with your best friend. Talk about how to move forward, what you’ll be comfortable with in the future, and move on.
‘A relationship is about two people and it needs both parties to be committed for it to work’