DRUM - - Good Laughs -

Don’t waste money on an ex­pen­sive iPod – sim­ply think of your favourite tune and hum it. If you want to switch tracks, think of an­other song you like and hum that.

Don’t waste money on a pa­per shred­der to avoid hav­ing your iden­tity stolen – just put a few dog poops in the bin bag along with your old bank state­ments.

Don’t waste money on ex­pen­sive per­son­alised car num­ber­plates – rather change your name to match your ex­ist­ing plates. Call your­self “Mr KVL741GP”.

Don’t waste money on ex­pen­sive binoc­u­lars, sim­ply stand closer to the ob­ject.

Old tele­phone di­rec­to­ries make ideal per­sonal ad­dress books – sim­ply cross out the names and ad­dresses of peo­ple you don’t know.

Save on booze by drink­ing cold tea in­stead of whisky. The next morn­ing you can cre­ate the ef­fects of a hang­over by drink­ing a thim­ble­ful of dish­wash­ing liq­uid and bang­ing your head against the wall.

Save elec­tric­ity – turn off all the lights in your house and wear a miner’s hel­met.

The best way to get two bot­tles of dish­wash­ing liq­uid for the price of one is to put one in your shop­ping trol­ley and the other in your pocket.

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