Don’t waste money on an expensive iPod – simply think of your favourite tune and hum it. If you want to switch tracks, think of another song you like and hum that.
Don’t waste money on a paper shredder to avoid having your identity stolen – just put a few dog poops in the bin bag along with your old bank statements.
Don’t waste money on expensive personalised car numberplates – rather change your name to match your existing plates. Call yourself “Mr KVL741GP”.
Don’t waste money on expensive binoculars, simply stand closer to the object.
Old telephone directories make ideal personal address books – simply cross out the names and addresses of people you don’t know.
Save on booze by drinking cold tea instead of whisky. The next morning you can create the effects of a hangover by drinking a thimbleful of dishwashing liquid and banging your head against the wall.
Save electricity – turn off all the lights in your house and wear a miner’s helmet.
The best way to get two bottles of dishwashing liquid for the price of one is to put one in your shopping trolley and the other in your pocket.