SOUL­FUL TALK WITH VEE:

FOR MOTH­ERS BY A MOTHER

Empowered Youth Magazine - - CONTENTS: -

I re­mem­ber be­ing handed my son for the first time and look­ing at all the peo­ple in the room with smiles on their face and un­for­tu­nately I could not re­late to their ex­cite­ment. For this child I have prayed and ev­ery­thing went ac­cord­ing to plan, so where is my mo­ment of gaz­ing into his eyes and in­stantly feel the deep con­nec­tion of un­mea­sur­able love, where time seem to stand still with a spot light shin­ing on us and ev­ery­one’s pres­ence sud­denly dis­ap­pear­ing like they never ex­isted? Where is the soft back­ground mu­sic that movies of­ten re­flect? For this child I have prayed, yet at that very mo­ment all I felt was sad­ness and for a split sec­ond there I un­der­stood why some women aban­don their new born ba­bies.

Post­par­tum de­pres­sion - The next cou­ple of weeks were fol­lowed by guilt and self-hate. Many women be­fore me have given birth and flour­ished in their role as moth­ers, “moth­er­hood comes nat­u­ral” they said. Why do I feel the way that I have been feel­ing? Ques­tion­ing my wom­an­hood, As though hav­ing a fer­til­ized egg in my womb and walk­ing around for 9 months with ev­i­dence that I had un­pro­tected sex was not ev­i­dence enough that I am woman?

Fast for­ward - Post­par­tum de­pres­sion is a real thing for most mom­mies regardless of your fi­nan­cial back­ground, po­si­tion or even sup­port sys­tem. Easy to miss, still taboo to talk about amongst the black so­ci­ety and treat­able with­out med­i­ca­tion.

Mother to mother – To­day I look at my son and I hon­estly do not re­mem­ber what the anx­i­ety, empti­ness and sad mo­ments were all about. Mom­mies, your best is good enough. If you don’t be­lieve me, take a look around at the peo­ple in the room. Just by mere look­ing at them, can you tell who took their first step as a child? Who wore branded clothes and who wore 2nd hand clothes on their first year of life? Who was praised for be­ing the pret­ti­est child and who was oth­er­wise bul­lied? Chances are that those very same peo­ple don’t even re­mem­ber such de­tails about them­selves. Don’t let so­cial me­dia pres­sure you into be­ing a per­fect par­ent. Em­brac­ing your flaws and work­ing on the things that you ac­tu­ally have the power to change can make all the dif­fer­ence. You are not alone. Your child that started crawl­ing at 10 months is just as im­por­tant as the one who started speak­ing flu­ent English sen­tences at 2 year.

Try the fol­low­ing steps to help you cope:

1. Lis­ten to ev­ery­one, but don’t take ev­ery ad­vice that you hear from peo­ple;

2. Be firm in what you be­lieve is best for your child. Moth­ers know best;

3. Talk­ing helps;

4. Peo­ple tend to for­get about you af­ter hav­ing a baby, so do your best to not for­get your­self;

5. Take it one day at a time;

6. While tak­ing care of ev­ery­one, don’t for­get to take care your­self (Be­friend good hy­giene);

7. Be­ing a mother is a tem­po­rary po­si­tion un­til they be­come in­de­pen­dent, so never ne­glect your part­ner.

8. If you are a Chris­tian, pray harder.

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