Empowered Youth Magazine - - FRONT PAGE -

Lately I have been en­gag­ing in deep un­com­fort­able top­ics which have arouse feel­ings that I have since re­al­ized were only rest­ing and not nec­es­sar­ily dead. Re­call­ing a spe­cific day on a cer­tain year in time as my ears re­ceived the news of me be­ing as­so­ci­ated with witch­craft, a ru­mor started by the same lips I once kissed and rested on to help I grow spir­i­tu­ally. The cold feel­ing rush­ing through my spine and an equally fast paced heat wave ex­plod­ing my blood veins, con­fus­ing my body into a state a paral­y­sis. At that very mo­ment I saw my­self pack­ing my bags from the peace­ful world where I once lived and moved into the king­dom of ANGER and HATE whereby I boldly crowned my­self queen of BIT­TER­NESS.

Af­ter play­ing my­self a vic­tim for months, sur­rounded by Chris­tian men­tors and the ir­ri­tat­ing small voice in my head that preached for­give­ness. I found my­self dy­ing a lit­tle more ev­ery­day as my pain in­flic­tors con­tin­ued with their happy lives and flour­ished at it. I felt my­self fall into a deep dark pit as I be­lieved that I right­fully de­served an apol­ogy. All I ever wanted to hear was “I’m sorry”. BUT … What if that apol­ogy never came. Peo­ple hurt us know­ingly, but not ev­ery­one is sorry. How much power are you will­ing to give the op­pres­sor for them to hurt you over and over and over again with­out ut­ter­ing a word to you? Be­cause by hold­ing onto pain, anger and hate, that is ex­actly what you are do­ing. Hold­ing your­self pris­oner in your own mind and paradise of grudges and break­ing every time you see them happy. Yes, they have you hurt that much we can­not deny, but what are you wait­ing for? Why are you not for­giv­ing them?

I have held onto plen­ti­ful re­sent­ment long enough to start writ­ing mo­ti­va­tional ar­ti­cles about it. 1 year, 8 months and a few days I waited and on 13 March 2018 11:45 am, I fi­nally re­ceived the apol­ogy I have longed to hear but ac­cepted that I never would. It was not the pub­lic an­nounce­ment that I thought the sit­u­a­tion de­served, but it was an apol­ogy none­the­less. Now this is where it gets tricky: As the ex­cite­ment of calling friends and tex­ting fam­ily started weigh­ing off, it hit me like a rolling thun­der. I re­ceived the apol­ogy, now what? The price of bread is still the same, the pro­pos­als that I turned down and peo­ple I pushed away while I pitied my­self are still gone, the bit­ter sting­ing feel­ing in my heart is still there. In fact, my anger has now mul­ti­plied since the apol­ogy as I had used the pain to cre­ate a new iden­tity for my­self. It may be as­sumed that I no longer have a rea­son to be bit­ter, they took away my power to hate them and any pain dis­com­fort that I ex­pe­ri­ence hereon is self- in­flicted.

Now I will ask you again, what are you wait­ing for? I have re­ceived my apol­ogy, yet I was still pained. I have now learnt that for­give­ness is an in­side job, a state of mind and peace felt in the heart. In life you need to learn to for­give peo­ple who are not sorry. Let go of the pain be­fore it con­sumes you. No mat­ter how un­fairly treated you were and de­serv­ing to be re­ceiv­ing an apol­ogy, not ev­ery­one is go­ing to rec­og­nize your pain or own up to their mis­takes. A few moons ago, we planted our mother of the na­tion, Win­nie Man­dela. How many of her op­pres­sors do you think apol­o­gized? And of the apolo­gies that she re­ceived, how many of them do you think erased the trauma that she faced? How many of those apolo­gies gave her back the num­ber of years that she lost with her chil­dren and hus­band?

Here are a mil­lion “I AM SORRY” to you on be­half of ev­ery­one who has ever hurt you. A mil­lion more for every per­son you were still wait­ing to hear it from, wait no more. Set your­self free, don’t kill your­self over the same peo­ple who will cry the loud­est at your fu­neral, only to turn and do the same unkind things to some­one else to­mor­row. No one is worth your life, you could lay your­self on the ground for peo­ple to walk over you and there are some who would still com­plain that you are not flat enough. For­give them not be­cause they de­serve it, but be­cause you de­serve a greater level of peace that the one you are cur­rently ex­pe­ri­enc­ing. What are you wait­ing for?


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