SOULFUL TALK:

Empowered Youth Magazine - - NEWS - BY: VUTOMI TSHABALALA

If two peo­ple can come to­gether and cre­ate life through a mo­ment of pas­sion, mar­ried or un­mar­ried, they are con­nected to­gether for life. A child made with love, has no busi­ness be­ing raised with hate. No one asks to be born, yet here we all are today. In the most per­fect world, ev­ery child would be raised by both bi­o­log­i­cal par­ents who adore each other and live hap­pily ever af­ter, un­for­tu­nately real­ity of peo­ple are not cut from the same cloths.

A child has the right to be raised by both par­ents, ir­re­spec­tive of their ro­man­tic stand­ing. More of­ten than not, when a ro­man­tic re­la­tion­ship ends, the par­ents take out their frus­tra­tion to­wards each other and use the child as bait, STOP IT. A child is not a weapon against your ex and should not be used as such, they are also not some love cu­pid who will mag­i­cally fix your al­ready bro­ken re­la­tion­ship. Stop giv­ing your chil­dren the re­spon­si­bil­ity to fix your re­la­tion­ship while you failed to do so your­self. Your failed ro­man­tic life should start and end with you. No mat­ter how much you loved your part­ner, for as long as the re­la­tion­ship is over, you need to learn to main­tain a good re­la­tion­ship between the two of you for the sake of your child. It is DAMN HARD, but nec­es­sary. Pray for your ex’s job, be­cause their source of in­come en­sures con­tin­ues con­tri­bu­tion to­wards your child.

Pray for his future wife re­gard­less of how much that might pain you, be­cause in him hav­ing a good wife en­sures se­cu­rity and a healthy en­vi­ron­ment for your child.

Pray for her to be blessed with a good hus­band, be­cause you do not want to imag­ine the trauma of your child be­ing abused by their step­fa­ther. Pray for their over­all hap­pi­ness so that they may bring pos­i­tive aroma around your child and also be able to of­fer ma­tured ad­vice.

Love your child enough to pro­tect the image of their mother/father, not be­cause you are not aware of their flaws, be­cause you are fam­ily and a bad view on one per­son is a bad re­flec­tion on your whole fam­ily. The last thing you want is your child to grow up un­der the shadow of the ru­mours that you en­ter­tained. Keep the fights away from the pub­lic, those peo­ple don’t even care any­way, but drama in some­one else’s life is al­ways good en­ter­tain­ment.

A child’s life and well-be­ing has noth­ing to do with your beef against each other. Their need for food, shel­ter, education etc. still re­main re­gard­less of your mood. Do not com­pro­mise the well­be­ing of your child while try­ing to pun­ish the other par­ent. Rais­ing and sup­port­ing a child goes be­yond the monthly bank no­ti­fi­ca­tions of child main­te­nance. It means hav­ing the ex­pe­ri­ence of be­ing emo­tion­ally avail­able to help your child when they need you, show­ing up at school events and sit­ting through awk­ward ques­tions as they dis­cover life their way.

FAM­ILY has noth­ing to do with ro­mance, love your child enough to swal­low your pride and re­spect the other par­ent. Blended fam­i­lies work for those who are ma­tured enough to take re­spon­si­bil­ity of their action. Stop cry­ing wolf, a child is not a trap, but the con­nec­tion that binds two peo­ple to­gether for life. How you choose to spend that life is com­pletely up to you. In this gen­er­a­tion, I pray that ladies and gen­tle­men make ba­bies with peo­ple they are pre­pared to spend a life­time with, and should that not be the case, may we be a gen­er­a­tion that pri­or­i­tizes fam­ily and avoid words such as baby mama and baby daddy be­cause those are usu­ally just trou­ble.

Fol­low the link be­low to learn more about rights of fa­thers, moth­ers and chil­dren. https://www.par­ent24.com/Fam­ily/Fi­nance_Le­gal/Un­mar­rie d-Know-your-rights-20150826

Vutomi talks about how im­por­tant it is to raise a child with love re­gard­less of the beef between the par­ents.

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