SOUL­FUL TALK:

Many peo­ple are drifted apart due to money mat­ters.

Empowered Youth Magazine - - CONTENTS - By Vu­tomi Tsha­bal­ala

Imag­ine hav­ing a sick child at night and feel­ing help­less, be­cause you do not have money for fuel nor a taxi fare. Not be­cause you are bad at fi­nan­cial plan­ning, but be­cause a friend you bor­rowed money when they were in fi­nan­cial dis­tress did not pay back the money two days ago as promised. Maybe this is a lit­tle bit too com­plex, now imag­ine ar­riv­ing late at a job in­ter­view with your heart rate pac­ing, as you spent the past hours bor­row­ing money from dif­fer­ent peo­ple be­cause your once fi­nan­cially distressed friend kept say­ing they will pay back the money “any mo­ment now” and they never did.

These two peo­ple could have bor­rowed money from each other and now the cy­cle of the one per­son strug­gling causes an unintended dis­com­fort for the other. Moral of the story is that life is un­pre­dictable, we make plans and prom­ises based on our cur­rent emo­tions while the re­al­ity of the mat­ter is just the op­po­site. Love your friends enough not to bor­row money from them. Avoid putting them in a cor­ner whereby they have to ac­cept your bro­ken promise for what­ever rea­son, as you also do not know their ini­tial plan for the money to be­gin with, in fact it is none of your busi­ness. I could cry my­self to sleep not know­ing where my next meal is go­ing to come from, be­cause this has been a tough month (Such hap­pens, it’s okay).Then I swal­low my pride and bor­row money from my friend with the promise to pay it back next week, know­ing very well that my salary would not have been paid by then, but the idea of short term bor­row­ings sort of cover-up my true level of suf­fer­ing, be­cause re­al­ity is that it’s been a tough last cou­ple of months. My friend may need to go for spe­cial tu­tor­ing classes in the next week as they are strug­gling to cope with be­ing a work­ing class and a stu­dent, an­other strug­gle that they them­selves keep to them­selves. My friend may now have to bor­row money from their friend who was hoping to buy their sib­lings win­ter clothes. All these feel­ings of dis­ap­point­ment from the one friend will even­tu­ally fuel up emo­tions of anger, hate and jeal­ousy.

Never for once take for granted the smile on some­one’s face, as we all have bat­tles that we are fight­ing un­der­neath and are not com­mu­ni­cat­ing. It just hap­pens to be eas­ier to share a smile, than to have other peo­ple see your pain. I might wear nice clothes and post proper pic­tures, but I could just as much be strug­gling to make ends meet, maybe I even bought those clothes when fi­nances were all good, so stop as­sum­ing. Never for a mo­ment pri­or­i­tize your own prob­lems and needs over those of a friend when it comes to their own money. Yes you are strug­gling, so go to the bank for a loan. Yes, you have noth­ing to eat, tell it like it is so that I may have the choice as to whether I will be able to ac­com­mo­date your strug­gles or not.

Bor­row­ing money ru­ins friend­ships be­cause more of­ten than not, one per­son is suf­fer­ing and the one per­son ex­pects the other to un­der­stand their sit­u­a­tion, which is un­fair. This needs to stop, no friend needs to in­herit your prob­lems. Even if the per­son has the spare money to share, for as long as you went to them with the pre­sen­ta­tion that you are bor­row­ing, then you need to pay it back at the promised time. Even if a per­son pri­or­i­tizes to buy a fancy new pair of shoes over lend­ing them, do not catch feel­ing, it is their money.

When I start call­ing you de­mand­ing my money, you get an­gry “Blah,blah, she doesn’t I’m broke.” STOP IT.”Blah,blah, she is call­ing me non-stop as if I bor­rowed a mil­lion rand”, STOP IT. “Bla,Blah, now I’m not even sup­posed to buy my­self a Ba­nana be­cause I owe her R2,STOP IT. If you love some­one, pro­tect and re­spect your re­la­tion­ship enough not to bor­row money from them. Only bor­row money from some­one you will be forced to pay­back (Loan shark) or a per­son you are will­ing to lose should the unexpected hap­pen.

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