A MAN WAS summoned to see a senior Revenue official about his tax return.
He asked his accountant what he should wear.
“Put on your oldest clothes. Look as poor as you can,” was the advice.
Then he asked his lawyer: “Put on your best suit with a silk tie. Show you have nothing to worry about and no fears.” Still unsure, he asked a priest. “My son,” was the reply, “a young lady in my congregation was getting married. She asked an aunt what she should wear to bed the first night.
“She was told to put on a long nightgown, going from her feet to her neck.
“Still uncertain, she asked her older sister. She was told to look out for the skimpiest, sexiest underwear she could find.”
“Well,” said the man, “that’s all very interesting, but I don’t see what it has to do with me and the taxman.”
“The point,” said the priest, “is that you might as well wear whatever you want. The end result is going to be exactly the same.” THE EFFICIENCY EXPERT finished his lecture with a note of caution: “Be careful about trying the techniques you have learned here at home.” He was asked why. “I watched my wife’s routine for making dinner for years. I could see she was constantly moving between the oven, the microwave, the fridge, the blender and the table, just carrying one item at a time.
“At last it was too much for me. I told her she was needlessly inefficient. She should plan ahead and carry several items at a time.
“Well, technically I was right. It used to take her an hour to make dinner. Now I do it in 20 minutes.” QUEEN ELIZABETH, Bill Clinton and Bob Mugabe die and go to hell. But the devil has only one phone there.
The Queen says: “I miss my England, can I use your phone and hear how my people are doing down there?”
She calls and talks for about five minutes. Then she asks: “Well devil, how much do I owe you for the call?” The devil replies: “Five million dollars.” She writes him a cheque and goes back to her chair. Clinton wants to make a call as well. He says: “I wanna call the US.” He talks for about 10 minutes, then asks: “How much do I owe you, devil?” The devil says: “Ten million dollars.” He also writes a cheque and goes back to his seat. Mugabe is jealous. He says: “I want to call Zim.” He calls and talks for about an hour. Then he asks the devil: “How much do I owe you?”
The devil replies: “Only one dollar.”
Mugabe is shocked and asks: “Why so little?”
The devil says: “If you make a call from one hell to another, it’s a local call.”
Help on the way for Eskom.
There’s always a way out.