Finweek English Edition - - Piker -

A MAN WAS sum­moned to see a se­nior Rev­enue of­fi­cial about his tax re­turn.

He asked his ac­coun­tant what he should wear.

“Put on your old­est clothes. Look as poor as you can,” was the ad­vice.

Then he asked his lawyer: “Put on your best suit with a silk tie. Show you have noth­ing to worry about and no fears.” Still un­sure, he asked a priest. “My son,” was the re­ply, “a young lady in my con­gre­ga­tion was get­ting mar­ried. She asked an aunt what she should wear to bed the first night.

“She was told to put on a long night­gown, go­ing from her feet to her neck.

“Still un­cer­tain, she asked her older sis­ter. She was told to look out for the skimp­i­est, sex­i­est un­der­wear she could find.”

“Well,” said the man, “that’s all very in­ter­est­ing, but I don’t see what it has to do with me and the tax­man.”

“The point,” said the priest, “is that you might as well wear what­ever you want. The end re­sult is go­ing to be ex­actly the same.” THE EF­FI­CIENCY EX­PERT fin­ished his lec­ture with a note of cau­tion: “Be care­ful about try­ing the tech­niques you have learned here at home.” He was asked why. “I watched my wife’s rou­tine for mak­ing din­ner for years. I could see she was con­stantly mov­ing be­tween the oven, the mi­crowave, the fridge, the blender and the ta­ble, just car­ry­ing one item at a time.

“At last it was too much for me. I told her she was need­lessly in­ef­fi­cient. She should plan ahead and carry sev­eral items at a time.

“Well, tech­ni­cally I was right. It used to take her an hour to make din­ner. Now I do it in 20 min­utes.” QUEEN EL­IZ­A­BETH, Bill Clin­ton and Bob Mu­gabe die and go to hell. But the devil has only one phone there.

The Queen says: “I miss my Eng­land, can I use your phone and hear how my peo­ple are do­ing down there?”

She calls and talks for about five min­utes. Then she asks: “Well devil, how much do I owe you for the call?” The devil replies: “Five mil­lion dol­lars.” She writes him a cheque and goes back to her chair. Clin­ton wants to make a call as well. He says: “I wanna call the US.” He talks for about 10 min­utes, then asks: “How much do I owe you, devil?” The devil says: “Ten mil­lion dol­lars.” He also writes a cheque and goes back to his seat. Mu­gabe is jeal­ous. He says: “I want to call Zim.” He calls and talks for about an hour. Then he asks the devil: “How much do I owe you?”

The devil replies: “Only one dol­lar.”

Mu­gabe is shocked and asks: “Why so lit­tle?”

The devil says: “If you make a call from one hell to an­other, it’s a lo­cal call.”

Help on the way for Eskom.

There’s al­ways a way out.

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