TWO SOCIAL WORKERS ATTENDED A professional conference together.
They went for a walk during a break and came across a severely beaten and bloodied man, croaking for help.
They walked on. “You know,” said one, “whoever did that to him really needs help.” AN ACTUARY IS WALKING DOWN THE hospital corridor ahead of his operation the next day.
Suddenly he feels a mild twinge in his chest. Immediately, he throws himself over a banister railing, landing heavily on the floor below and breaking a leg.
“What on earth did you do that for?” asks his companion.
“Well,” says the actuary, “the odds of getting a heart attack while staying in a clinic before an operation are astronomically high. But the odds of anyone getting a heart attack and breaking a leg at the same time are quite surprisingly low.” REACHING THE END OF AN INTERVIEW the HR director asked the young MBA applicant what salary and extras he would be looking for in the management trainee job.
“Well,” said the graduate, “I’m looking for a starting salary of around R300 000, a company car, pension and medical aid benefits and 30 working days’ leave a year.’’
“How about R500 000 salary, a Merc convertible and four overseas trips annually?” asked the director.
“Wow!” said the MBA, “are you kidding?”
“Of course,” said the director, “but you started it.” FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO DON’T LIKE THE ENGLISH: An 87-year-old man wanted to enroll for a Hebrew course. The university department advised him that it would take six years to master the subject and that he might not be around to finish the course. But he insisted.
“Why are you so determined to learn Hebrew?”
“Well, when I get to heaven I would like to be able to speak to Abraham and all the other Hebrew-speaking guys who came after him.”
“And what if you land up in the other place?”
“No problem, my English is perfect.” A SALESMAN BOOKS INTO A motorway hotel. As he’s waiting for the lift, a highly attractive blonde appears beside him and suggests he might like some company for the night.
He goes to the reception desk and says: “By a remarkable concidence my wife has arrived here also. Please book her into my room.’’
He has a great night, wakes up to find himself alone and goes to check out and pay the bill. It’s for R15 000.
“What’s this?” he demands. “I was only here for one night.”
“Yes sir, but your wife stayed for 14 days before you arrived.” FORMER INDIAN CRICKETING “great” Sunil Gavaskar has been ripping into the present Australian team, essentially for the onfield “sledging” of some of its members. Many South Africans would agree. But cricket has never been idyllic. On one occasion WG Grace simply refused to move when the umpire gave him out. “The people have come to see me bat, not to see you wave your finger around,” said WG.
Then there was the time a Guyanan umpire of Indian ancestry turned down an LBW appeal by Fred Truman in a test match against the West Indies.
“Hey up, Gunga Din,” said an irate Truman, “that was middle stump.”
Maybe it was. But England didn’t pick Truman for the next season. So, yes, some things have changed.