ON MAR­GIN

Finweek English Edition - - Piker -

THE MIN­IS­TER OF FI­NANCE has for some years in­vited mem­bers of the pub­lic to speak their mind be­fore his Bud­get speech. Maybe the CEO of the em­bat­tled na­tional car­rier SA Air­ways should fol­low the same route. To kick-start the process, here are some ideas to start Tips for Khaya.

With loss-mak­ing SAA look­ing here, there and ev­ery­where for ways to cut costs (and cull ser­vice frills, it would seem) a reader has sent in a few help­ful hints that our na­tional car­rier might take to heart:

Dump the male flight at­ten­dants. No­body wanted them in the first place. Re­place all the fe­male flight at­ten­dants with good­look­ing strip­pers. What the hell, they don’t even serve food any­more – so what’s the loss?

The strip­pers would at least triple al­co­hol sales and get a party at­mos­phere go­ing in the cabin. And, of course, ev­ery busi­ness­man in SA would start fly­ing again.

Be­cause of the tips, the new flight strip­pers wouldn’t need a salary – thus sav­ing even more money. I sus­pect tips would be so good that we could charge the strip­pers for work­ing the plane and have them kick back 20% of the tips, in­clud­ing lap dances and “spe­cial ser­vices”.

That’s def­i­nitely a win-win sit­u­a­tion if we han­dle it right: a golden op­por­tu­nity to turn a li­a­bil­ity into an as­set. AS MUCH AS THE new regime wants to avoid re­peat­ing mis­takes made by the pre­vi­ous dis­pen­sa­tion, Khaya’s idea of cut­ting down on in-flight ser­vices – such as not serv­ing meals – smacks of ut­ter­ances by for­mer no­to­ri­ously out­spo­ken Min­is­ter of Trans­port Hen­drik Schoe­man, who re­acted to com­plaints from pas­sen­gers about the food on board SAA flights by ask­ing: “Wil julle vreet of wil julle vlieg?”

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