The break-up of South Africa
It was just a matter of time
NOW THAT MY HEDGE FUND manager – Dr Irrational Exuberant, although his friends call him Dow 36K – assures me the freeze in the debt and the meltdown in share markets are finish and klaar and the rand has had its fall for the foreseeable future, it’s time again to focus on the real issues facing our country.
Although it constitutes earth-shattering events in some circles, I’m not talking about the Puke Watson saga or the ridiculousness of the whole Springbok emblem debate at a time when we’re wasting tens of millions of rand coaching a hopeless soccer team instead of building fields and supplying kit to schools. The oxygen for that particular publicity stunt from our slow boat to Beijing sports authorities should be turned off right about now.
When Mbeki got Bob to sign the powersharing agreement it was tempting to ignore the unworkable nature of the deal – ‘cause at least something was happening. A few months later it’s fairly obvious that just as Bob stole the election from under the nose of Morgan, he’s doing much the same with the current process. Should we care? Now that Zim is in full randerisation, probably not.
What I’m talking about is the end of the union.
I was surprised, though not unpleasantly, when Mbeki was recalled and even more so when he went quietly. I was also surprised – pleasantly, this time – that a breakaway group was actually being formed. The New ANC or NANC (What will the youth league of the new party be called? The Nancy’s?) shouldn’t be allowed to become another United Democratic Movement. I don’t want to spoil any more ballots like I’ve been in aid of Bantubonke’s cause (which is what again?).
President Sam (now that Terror is again permissible, we can play Sam again I gather) Shilowa has a certain ring to it. Even better if it’s President of the Republic of Gauteng. That’s right. Gauteng has for far too long carried the other provinces – my taxes fund white elephants such as Koeberg, Coega and La Mercy in the poorer parts. The NANC can forget about 100% Zulu Boy Land and eKoloni in the elections anyway: they’re firmly in control of the two Zs – Zille and Zuma. I’m proposing nothing short of a breakaway republic along the lines of Ingushetia and Montenegro or those on the cards, such as Padania and Alaska.
Here’s the plan I’ll be sharing with Terror, Sam and George at the November convention. The NANC should form an alliance
It should have an inclusive name, such as the United Herstigte Independent African
National Congress + Movement...
with the UDM and the Freedom Front Plus (FF+). It should have an inclusive name, such as the United Herstigte Independent African National Congress + Movement. The UHI-ANC+M should first reconstitute the old Boer Republics of the ZAR and Orange Free State, with the help of the Orania Auxiliary Force. Bantubonke can do the same with the Kaffrarian Rifles in the old Trans and Ciskei (I’m sure he’s secretly harbouring such a vision anyway).
That way the new Republic of Gauteng, linking up with Transciskei via Lesotho, which will naturally be subsumed in the new entity (we invaded it 10 years ago; we could do it again), will at least have access to the sea.
I don’t think it’s too soon to start singing the new national anthem. Altogether now: Gautengeleng, Gautengeleng. I wanna stay in Gautengaleng. Die crime is streng but what the heng. Dis lekker om te lewe hie’ in Gautengeleng.