GOOD GRIEF! FROM DONKEYS to snake skins. Our president-to-be can – and is – accused of many things. But no one can say he doesn’t know anything about figurative speech. If he’d been at school long enough, he’d surely have been given full marks for idioms.
The poor donkey on which Jesus entered Jerusalem is now dragged by its ears into a comparison with the “objectionable” Cope members. That Zuma has no time for this breakaway group is clear. They are like the donkey, nothing without Jesus (the ANC), he says. He also compared them with a snakeskin left behind after the winter, while the snake – the ANC – thrives in its new skin. Has master-brain Zuma forgotten the negative connotations associated with the snake – especially in the Bible, which he interprets so freely? HEAVENLY BODICE THREE MEN DIED on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates. St Peter said: “In honour of this holy season you must each possess something that symbolises Christmas to get into Heaven.”
The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. “It represents a candle,” he said. “You may pass through the Pearly Gates,” St Peter replied.
The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said: “They’re bells.”
St Peter said: “You may pass through the Pearly Gates.”
The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of panties.
St Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked: “And just what do those symbolise?”
The man replied: “These are Carol’s.” THE MOUTHS OF BABES A WOMAN GETS ON a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “That’s the ugliest baby that I’ve ever seen. Ugh!”
The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: “The driver just insulted me.”
The man says: “You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”