Finweek English Edition - - Property Compass -

GOOD GRIEF! FROM DON­KEYS to snake skins. Our pres­i­dent-to-be can – and is – ac­cused of many things. But no one can say he doesn’t know any­thing about fig­u­ra­tive speech. If he’d been at school long enough, he’d surely have been given full marks for id­ioms.

The poor don­key on which Je­sus en­tered Jerusalem is now dragged by its ears into a com­par­i­son with the “ob­jec­tion­able” Cope mem­bers. That Zuma has no time for this break­away group is clear. They are like the don­key, noth­ing without Je­sus (the ANC), he says. He also com­pared them with a snake­skin left be­hind af­ter the win­ter, while the snake – the ANC – thrives in its new skin. Has mas­ter-brain Zuma for­got­ten the neg­a­tive con­no­ta­tions as­so­ci­ated with the snake – es­pe­cially in the Bi­ble, which he in­ter­prets so freely? HEAV­ENLY BODICE THREE MEN DIED on Christ­mas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates. St Peter said: “In hon­our of this holy sea­son you must each pos­sess some­thing that sym­bol­ises Christ­mas to get into Heaven.”

The first man fum­bled through his pock­ets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. “It rep­re­sents a can­dle,” he said. “You may pass through the Pearly Gates,” St Peter replied.

The sec­ond man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said: “They’re bells.”

St Peter said: “You may pass through the Pearly Gates.”

The third man started search­ing des­per­ately through his pock­ets and fi­nally pulled out a pair of panties.

St Peter looked at the man with a raised eye­brow and asked: “And just what do those sym­bol­ise?”

The man replied: “Th­ese are Carol’s.” THE MOUTHS OF BABES A WOMAN GETS ON a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “That’s the ugli­est baby that I’ve ever seen. Ugh!”

The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fum­ing. She says to a man next to her: “The driver just in­sulted me.”

The man says: “You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I’ll hold your mon­key for you.”

Newspapers in English

Newspapers from South Africa

© PressReader. All rights reserved.