On mar­gin

Finweek English Edition - - PIKER -

A man walks into a bar…

An English­man, a Scot and an Ir­ish­man walk into a pub to have a beer.

A fly buzzes around, fi­nally fall­ing into the English­man’s beer. He pushes away his mug and or­ders an­other.

A few min­utes later a fly swoops down and lands in the Scot’s beer. The Scot reaches into his mug, picks out the fly and con­tin­ues drink­ing his beer.

A few mo­ments later an­other fly swoops down and lands in the Ir­ish­man’s beer. The Ir­ish­man reaches into his mug, picks up the fly and starts slap­ping it on the back, yelling: “Spit it out ya bas­tard, spit it out!” A horse walks into a bar. Sev­eral peo­ple get up and leave be­cause they re­alise the po­ten­tial dan­ger of the sit­u­a­tion. A mil­lion guys walk in to a Sil­i­con Val­ley bar. None of them buy any­thing. The bar is de­clared a rous­ing suc­cess.

Golf

Af­ter a long day on the course, the ex­as­per­ated golfer turns to the cad­die and says: “You must be the worst cad­die in the world.”

“No, I don’t think so,” replies the cad­die. “That would be too

much of a co­in­ci­dence.”

Money

A young banker de­cided to get his first tai­lor-made suit. As he tried it on, he reached down to put his hands in the pock­ets but to his sur­prise found none.

He men­tioned this to the tai­lor who asked him: “You’re a banker, right?” He an­swered: “Yes, I am.” “Well, who­ever heard of a banker putting his hand in his own pocket?” A bank is a place that will lend you money if you prove you don’t need it. A man vis­its his bank man­ager and says: “How do I start a small busi­ness?”

The man­ager replies: “Start a large one and wait six months.”

Mar­riage

A 60-year-old mil­lion­aire has just mar­ried a 20-year-old model. “You crafty old devil,” says his friend. “How did you man­age to get a lovely young wife like that?”

“Easy,” replies the mil­lion­aire. “I told her I was 95.” My wife and I were happy for 20 years...

Then we met.

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