A man walks into a bar…
An Englishman, a Scot and an Irishman walk into a pub to have a beer.
A fly buzzes around, finally falling into the Englishman’s beer. He pushes away his mug and orders another.
A few minutes later a fly swoops down and lands in the Scot’s beer. The Scot reaches into his mug, picks out the fly and continues drinking his beer.
A few moments later another fly swoops down and lands in the Irishman’s beer. The Irishman reaches into his mug, picks up the fly and starts slapping it on the back, yelling: “Spit it out ya bastard, spit it out!” A horse walks into a bar. Several people get up and leave because they realise the potential danger of the situation. A million guys walk in to a Silicon Valley bar. None of them buy anything. The bar is declared a rousing success.
After a long day on the course, the exasperated golfer turns to the caddie and says: “You must be the worst caddie in the world.”
“No, I don’t think so,” replies the caddie. “That would be too
much of a coincidence.”
A young banker decided to get his first tailor-made suit. As he tried it on, he reached down to put his hands in the pockets but to his surprise found none.
He mentioned this to the tailor who asked him: “You’re a banker, right?” He answered: “Yes, I am.” “Well, whoever heard of a banker putting his hand in his own pocket?” A bank is a place that will lend you money if you prove you don’t need it. A man visits his bank manager and says: “How do I start a small business?”
The manager replies: “Start a large one and wait six months.”
A 60-year-old millionaire has just married a 20-year-old model. “You crafty old devil,” says his friend. “How did you manage to get a lovely young wife like that?”
“Easy,” replies the millionaire. “I told her I was 95.” My wife and I were happy for 20 years...
Then we met.