On mar­gin

Finweek English Edition - - PIKER -

One of a kind

A tramp ap­proaches a man in the street and asks for money. “Will you spend the money on drink?” asks the man. The tramp shakes his head.

“Will you waste it on card games?” asks the man. The tramp shakes his head.

“Then come home with me,” says the man. “Why?” asks the tramp.

The man replies, “I want my wife to meet the kind of man who doesn’t drink or gam­ble.”

Lit­tle pi­anist

A man walks into a bar and sees his friend sit­ting be­side a 12-inch pi­anist. He says to his friend, “That’s amaz­ing. How did you get that?”

The man pulls out a bot­tle and tells him to rub it and make a wish. He rubs the bot­tle and a puff of smoke pops out and tells him that he can have one wish. So the man thinks and says, “I wish I had a mil­lion bucks.”

The ge­nie says, “OK, go out­side, and your wish will be granted.” The man goes out­side, but all he finds are ducks fill­ing the sky and roads.

He goes back in and tells his friend what hap­pened, and his friend replies, “I know. Did you re­ally think I wanted a 12-inch pi­anist?”

SOURCE: Com­edy Cen­tral

A Texan, a Rus­sian and a New Yorker

A Texan, a Rus­sian and a New Yorker go to a restau­rant in Lon­don.

The waiter tells them, “Ex­cuse me – if you were go­ing to or­der the steak, I’m afraid there’s a short­age due to the mad cow dis­ease.”

The Texan says, “What’s a short­age?”

The Rus­sian says, “What’s a steak?”

The New Yorker says, “What’s ‘ex­cuse me’?”

SOURCE: Com­edy Cen­tral

In short

It is not true that the English in­vented cricket as a way of mak­ing all other hu­man en­deav­ours look in­ter­est­ing and lively; that was merely an un­in­tended side ef­fect. – Bill Bryson

Newspapers in English

Newspapers from South Africa

© PressReader. All rights reserved.