On mar­gin

Finweek English Edition - - PIKER -

A po­lice­man is stak­ing out a bar look­ing for drunk driv­ers. At clos­ing time, he sees a man stum­ble out of the bar, trip on the kerb, and fum­ble for his keys for five min­utes. When he fi­nally gets in his car, it takes the man an­other five min­utes to get the key in the ig­ni­tion. Mean­while, ev­ery­one else leaves the bar and drives off.

When the man fi­nally pulls away, the po­lice­man is wait­ing for him. He pulls him over and gives him a breathal­yser test. The test shows he has a blood-al­co­hol level of zero.

“That can’t be right,” says the po­lice­man. “Yes, it can,” says the man. “Tonight I’m the des­ig­nated de­coy.” Johnny says to his mother, “Mommy, I want to be a drum­mer when I grow up!” “Now, Johnny,” replies Mom. “You know you can’t do both.” A man and wife are at a vol­ley­ball game when they no­tice a very af­fec­tion­ate cou­ple who are run­ning their hands over each other pas­sion­ately. “I don’t know whether to watch them or the game,” says the man.

“Watch them!” says his wife. “You al­ready know how to play vol­ley­ball.” The at­tor­ney tells the ac­cused, “I have some good news and some bad news.”

“What’s the bad news?” asks the ac­cused.

“The bad news is, your blood is all over the crime scene, and the DNA tests prove you did it.” “What’s the good news?’ “Your choles­terol is 130.” A woman no­ticed her hus­band stand­ing on the bath­room scale, suck­ing in his stom­ach. “Ha! That’s not go­ing to help,” she says.

“Sure, it does,” he replies. “It’s the only way I can see the num­bers.” “The clos­est I’ve been to a diet this year is eras­ing food searches from my browser his­tory.” – Pauly Peli­groso

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