Infinitely many mathematicians walk into a bar. The first says, “I’ll have a beer.” The second says, “I’ll have half a beer.” The third says, “I’ll have a quarter of a beer.”
Before anyone else can speak, the barman fills up exactly two glasses of beer and serves them. “Come on, now,” he says to the group, “You guys have got to learn your limits.”
____________________________ “Poor old fool,” thought the well-dressed gentleman as he watched an old man fish in a puddle outside a pub. So he invited the old man inside for a drink.
As they sipped their whiskeys, the gentleman thought he’d humour the old man and asked, “So how many have you caught today?”
The old man replied, “You’re the eighth.”
____________________________ A dog walks into a bar and orders a martini. The bartender says, “You don’t see a dog in here drinking a martini very often.”
The dog says, “At these prices, I’m not surprised.” Three fans were bemoaning the sorry state of their rugby team.
“I blame the general manager,” said the first fan. “If he signed better players, we’d be a great team.”
“I blame the players,” said the second fan. “If they made more of an effort, we’d score some points.”
“I blame my parents,” said the third. “If I’d been born in Cape Town, I’d be supporting a decent team.” A Scottish mother visits her son in his New York City apartment and asks, “How do you find the Americans, James?”
“Mother,” says James, “they’re such noisy people. One neighbour won’t stop banging his head against the wall, while the other screams and screams all night long.”
“Oh, James! How do you manage to put up with them?”
“What can I do? I just lie in bed quietly, playing my bagpipes.”