New Year’s resolutions
How you elect to spend New Year’s Eve will depend on your: 1. age 2. remaining levels of optimism 3. threshold of pain
– Joseph Connolly New Year’s Eve, when auld acquaintances be forgot. Unless, of course, those tests come back positive.
– Jay Leno An optimist stays up until midnight to see the new year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves.
– Bill Vaughan Women get a little more excited about New Year’s Eve than men do. It’s like an excuse: you drink too much, you make a lot of promises you’re not going to keep; the next morning as soon as you wake up you start breaking them. For men, we just call that a date. – Jay Leno Youth is when you’re allowed to stay up late on New Year’s Eve. Middle age is when you’re forced to.
– Bill Vaughan May all your troubles last as long as your New Year’s resolutions. – Joey Adams SOURCE: www.funny-jokes-quotessayings.com/new-year-jokes
George W. Bush, Barack Obama and Donald Trump were all leaving Washington DC and going the same direction, so they decided to take Air Force One. Unfortunately, due to a mechanical issue, the plane crashed, killing all on board.
So Bush, Obama and Trump approached the pearly gates, where God sat on his throne.
“Tell me, what do you believe in?” God asked Bush.
“I believe in education and free trade,” was the reply.
“Excellent. Take a seat here on my right,” God said.
“Now tell me, Mr Obama, what do you believe in?” God asked.
“I believe in equal rights for all and universal healthcare,” Obama replied.
“Very good. Take a seat to my left,” God instructed.
“And Mr Trump, what do you believe in?” God queried.
“I believe you are sitting in my seat,” Trump shot back.