On mar­gin

Finweek English Edition - - PIKER -

Re­tire­ment bonus

The US Navy found they had too many of­fi­cers and de­cided to of­fer an early re­tire­ment bonus. They promised any of­fi­cer who vol­un­teered for re­tire­ment a bonus of $1 000 for every inch mea­sured in a straight line be­tween any two points on his body. The of­fi­cer got to choose what those two points would be.

The first of­fi­cer who ac­cepted asked that he be mea­sured from the top of his head to the tip of his toes. He was mea­sured at six feet and walked out with a bonus of $72 000.

The sec­ond of­fi­cer who ac­cepted was a lit­tle smarter and asked to be mea­sured from the tip of his out­stretched hands to his toes. He walked out with $96 000.

The third one was a non­com­mis­sioned of­fi­cer, a griz­zly old chief who, when asked where he would like to be mea­sured, replied: “From the tip of my wee­nie to my tes­ti­cles.”

It was sug­gested by the pen­sion man that he might want to re­con­sider, ex­plain­ing about the nice big cheques the pre­vi­ous two of­fi­cers had re­ceived.

But the old chief in­sisted and they de­cided to go along with him, pro­vided the mea­sure­ment was taken by a med­i­cal of­fi­cer.

The med­i­cal of­fi­cer ar­rived and in­structed the chief to “drop ’em”, which he did. The med­i­cal of­fi­cer placed the tape mea­sure on the tip of the chief’s wee­nie and be­gan to work back.

“Dear Lord!” he sud­denly ex­claimed. “Where are your tes­ti­cles?”

The old chief calmly replied: “Viet­nam.”

In brief

Schrödinger is wait­ing in a vet­eri­nary hos­pi­tal for news about his cat.

The nurse comes in and says: “Sir, I have good news and bad news.” ____________________________________________ Q: Why are Ital­ians so good at foot­ball? A: Be­cause it in­volves chang­ing sides half­way through. ____________________________________________ I saw a poster to­day, some­body was ask­ing, “Have you seen my cat?”

So I called the num­ber and said that I hadn’t. I like to help where I can.

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