A Highland piper was asked by a funeral director to play at a graveside service for a homeless man who had no family or friends. The funeral was to be held at a cemetery away in a remote glen and the man would be the first to be laid to rest there.
As the piper wasn’t familiar with the rugged area, he got lost and, being a typical man, didn’t stop to ask for directions. He finally arrived an hour late and saw the backhoe and the crew who were eating lunch but a hearse was nowhere in sight.
He apologised to the workers for his tardiness and stepped to the side of the open grave where he saw the vault lid already in place. He assured the gravediggers he wouldn’t hold them up for long but it was the proper thing to do.
The workers gathered around, still eating their lunch, as the piper played his heart and soul out. As he played the workers began to weep. He played and played as he’d never piped before, from “Going Home” and “The Lord is My Shepherd” to “Flowers of the Forest”. He closed his lengthy session with “Amazing Grace” and walked to his car.
As the piper was opening the door and taking off his jacket, he overheard one of the workers saying to another: “Sweet Mary and Joseph, I’ve never seen anything like that before and I’ve been putting in septic tanks for 20 years!”
There were two friends drinking and one says to the other: “I have a trumpet that tells the hour.”
“The hour? Really?” the friend asks sceptically.
“Yes, yes, look!” He grabs the trumpet, opens the window and starts to play the instrument like crazy.
All of a sudden they hear: “You $#%^}@, it’s three in the morning!”