On mar­gin

Finweek English Edition - - PIKER -

Trum­pets and guns

In a small town, a man just opened a small store sell­ing trum­pets and guns. One day his neigh­bour pays him a visit and says: “So how is your strange busi­ness go­ing?” “What do you mean strange?” “Be­cause you sell only trum­pets and guns!” “So?” “Well, let me put it this way, what do you sell the most, trum­pets or guns?”

“It evens it­self out. Each time a cus­tomer buys a trum­pet, one of his neigh­bours buys a gun.”

Calvin­ism

A Calvin­ist ar­rives at the gates of heaven.

He sees that there are two lines go­ing in. One has a sign that reads “Pre­des­tined”, the other “Free will”. He nat­u­rally heads to the pre­des­tined line.

While wait­ing, an an­gel comes and asks him: “Why are you in this line?” He replies: “Be­cause I chose it.” The an­gel looks sur­prised, “Well, if you ‘chose’ it, then you should be in the free will line.”

So our Calvin­ist, now slightly miffed, obe­di­ently wan­ders over to the free will line.

Again, af­ter a few min­utes, an­other an­gel ap­proached him and asks: “Why are you in this line?”

He sul­lenly replies: “Some­one made me come here.”

Con­so­nant or vowel?

SCENE: My teenage daugh­ter and me in the car.

Lau­ren: Dad, do you know what the most com­monly used let­ter in a girl’s name is?

Me: Hmm, is it a con­so­nant or a vowel? [Si­lence.] Please tell me you know what con­so­nants and vow­els are. Lau­ren: You’re no fun, Dad. For­get it. Me: What is a vowel? Lau­ren: OK, OK. A vowel is… ahh… eh… well, oh… uh… Me: Close enough.

Sup­plied by Robert Al­varez to rd.com

Def­i­ni­tions

So what if I don’t know what Ar­maged­don means? It’s not the end of the world!

A bite of...

W: What’s red and bad for your teeth? A: A brick.

Fake news

Con­spir­acy the­o­ries are a lot like moon land­ings.

They’re all fake.

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