On margin

Finweek English Edition - - PIKER - SOURCE: Red­dit.com

In­tel­li­gent lead­ers

An­gela Merkel vis­its Don­ald Trump in Wash­ing­ton.

Dur­ing her stay Trump asks her: “Tell me, Chan­cel­lor Merkel, what’s the se­cret of your years of suc­cess?”

Merkel re­sponds: “Well, I have al­ways sur­rounded my­self with in­tel­li­gent peo­ple.”

“Very in­ter­est­ing,” says Trump, “but how ex­actly do you know if they are in­tel­li­gent?”

“Well, I just ask them a cou­ple of sim­ple ques­tions. By their re­sponse I can quickly de­ter­mine whether some­one is in­tel­li­gent or not.”

To demon­strate, Merkel picks up the phone and calls Wolf­gang Schäu­ble, her min­is­ter of fi­nance, and asks: “It’s the son of your fa­ther, but it’s not your brother. Who is it?” The min­is­ter replies: “That’s easy, it’s ob­vi­ously me!”

To­tally im­pressed, Trump re­turns to the Oval Of­fice and calls up his vice-pres­i­dent, Michael Pence. “Mike, I have a ques­tion for you. It’s the son of your fa­ther, but it’s not your brother. Who is it?” Pence stalls for a mo­ment, not know­ing the an­swer. He tells Trump that he will sleep on it.

In the morn­ing he wakes up, still with­out a so­lu­tion. So he phones Barack Obama and passes the rid­dle to him. Obama im­me­di­ately re­sponds: “Well, that’s me!”

Re­lieved, Pence calls up Trump and ex­claims: “I got the an­swer to your ques­tion . . . it’s Barack Obama!”

Af­ter a mo­ment of si­lence, Trump ex­plodes: “No, you id­iot, it’s Wolf­gang Schäu­ble!”

On track

The pes­simist sees a dark tun­nel. The op­ti­mist sees a light at the end of the tun­nel. The re­al­ist sees two lights at the end of the tun­nel. . . . and the train driver can see three id­iots stand­ing on the rails.

In short

“If at first you don’t suc­ceed, then sky­div­ing def­i­nitely isn’t for you.” − Steven Wright “I can’t ex­er­cise for long. When I get back from a run, my girl­friend usu­ally asks if I’ve for­got­ten some­thing.” − Pete Ot­way “Brexit is a ter­ri­ble name, sounds like ce­real you eat when you are con­sti­pated.” − Tiff Steven­son

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