Stay out of this
A man wakes up in the morning deeply repentant after a bitter fight with his wife the previous night. He notices with dismay the crate of beer bottles that had caused the fight. He takes it outside and starts smashing the empty bottles, one by one, onto the wall.
He smashes the first bottle: “You are the reason I fight with my wife!”
He smashes the second bottle: “You are the reason I don’t love my children!”
He smashes the third bottle: “You are the reason I don’t have a decent job!”
When he takes up the fourth bottle, he realises that it’s still sealed and full.
He hesitates for only a moment, then says: “You stand aside, I know you weren’t involved.”
An ancient Chinese emperor had a beautiful young daughter. One day he realised he was growing quite old, and there would be no man to take care of her when he died. So he set up a task for anyone in his empire. The person who brought him the most ping pong balls within 365 days would get to marry his daughter, and become his successor.
Three-hundred-and-sixty-four days went by, and not a single person showed up.
But on the 365th day, three men appeared in front of the emperor. The first man had 1 556 ping pong balls, and everybody was certain he was going to win the challenge. The second man emptied a backpack and showed he had 2 032 ping pong balls. Everyone was excited to see how many the third man had. The third man walked up, bleeding all over, cuts and scars across his face, missing an arm, and breathing heavily. He puts two giant balls on a table in front of the emperor.
The emperor asked: “Where are your ping pong balls?”
To which the man responded: “PING PONG BALLS? I THOUGHT YOU SAID KING KONG’S BALLS!”