Floyd Mayweather Jr and Manny Pacquiao finally decided to go for the mother of all fights. Halfway into the fourth round, Pacquiao released a mighty punch that sent Mayweather to the mat for the count.
As his handlers carried him from the ring on a stretcher, Mayweather groaned and spoke in a feeble voice: “What happened? I hurt all over!”
“Easy does it, Floyd,” said his manager. “You’re in better shape than Manny at the moment.”
“How can you say that?” Mayweather asked. “I never laid a glove on him.”
“No,” his manager responded, “but we left him back there in the ring a total wreck. He thinks he killed you.” My girlfriend told me she wanted to be treated like a princess...
...So I married her off to a stranger twice her age to strengthen my alliance with France.
“Well,” snarled tough old General Cornwallis to a bewildered soldier. “I suppose after you get discharged from the army, you’ll just be waiting for me to die so you can come and piss on my grave.”
“Not me, General!” the soldier replied. “Once I get out of the army I’m never going to stand in line again!” A tramp knocks on the door of an inn known as St George and the Dragon. The landlady answers. “Could you give a poor man something to eat?” asks the tramp.
“No!” yells the woman, slamming the door in his face. A few minutes later, he knocks again. “Now what do you want?” the woman asks.
“Could I have a few words with George?”
My therapist said that my narcissism causes me to misread social situations.
I’m pretty sure she was hitting on me.
The problem with Trump jokes:
Republicans don’t think they’re funny, and Democrats don’t think they’re jokes.