On mar­gin

Finweek English Edition - - PIKER - SOURCE: jokes4us.com SOURCE: jokes4us.com

Knock­out punch

Floyd May­weather Jr and Manny Pac­quiao fi­nally de­cided to go for the mother of all fights. Half­way into the fourth round, Pac­quiao re­leased a mighty punch that sent May­weather to the mat for the count.

As his han­dlers car­ried him from the ring on a stretcher, May­weather groaned and spoke in a fee­ble voice: “What hap­pened? I hurt all over!”

“Easy does it, Floyd,” said his man­ager. “You’re in bet­ter shape than Manny at the mo­ment.”

“How can you say that?” May­weather asked. “I never laid a glove on him.”

“No,” his man­ager re­sponded, “but we left him back there in the ring a to­tal wreck. He thinks he killed you.” My girl­friend told me she wanted to be treated like a princess...

...So I mar­ried her off to a stranger twice her age to strengthen my al­liance with France.

Army tales

“Well,” snarled tough old Gen­eral Corn­wal­lis to a be­wil­dered sol­dier. “I sup­pose af­ter you get dis­charged from the army, you’ll just be wait­ing for me to die so you can come and piss on my grave.”

“Not me, Gen­eral!” the sol­dier replied. “Once I get out of the army I’m never go­ing to stand in line again!” A tramp knocks on the door of an inn known as St Ge­orge and the Dragon. The land­lady an­swers. “Could you give a poor man some­thing to eat?” asks the tramp.

“No!” yells the woman, slam­ming the door in his face. A few min­utes later, he knocks again. “Now what do you want?” the woman asks.

“Could I have a few words with Ge­orge?”

Spot-on diagnosis

My ther­a­pist said that my nar­cis­sism causes me to mis­read so­cial sit­u­a­tions.

I’m pretty sure she was hit­ting on me.

Pol­i­tics

The prob­lem with Trump jokes:

Repub­li­cans don’t think they’re funny, and Democrats don’t think they’re jokes.

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