On mar­gin

Finweek English Edition - - PIKER -

Heav­enly re­wards

A min­is­ter dies and is wait­ing in line at the Pearly Gates. Ahead of him is a guy who’s wear­ing sun­glasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket and jeans.

Saint Pe­ter ad­dresses this man: “Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to ad­mit you to the King­dom of Heaven?”

The guy replies: “I’m Joe Co­hen, stock­bro­ker, of New York City.”

Saint Pe­ter con­sults his list. He smiles and says to the stock­bro­ker: “Take this silken robe and golden staff and en­ter the King­dom of Heaven.”

The stock­bro­ker goes into heaven with his robe and staff, and it’s the min­is­ter’s turn. He stands erect and booms out: “I am Joseph Snow, pas­tor of Saint Mary’s for the last 43 years.”

Saint Pe­ter con­sults his list. He says to the min­is­ter: “Take this cot­ton robe and wooden staff and en­ter the King­dom of Heaven.”

“Just a minute,” says the min­is­ter. “That man was a stock­bro­ker – he gets a silken robe and golden staff but I, a min­is­ter, only get a cot­ton robe and wooden staff? How can this be?”

“Up here, we work by re­sults,” says Saint Pe­ter. “While you preached, peo­ple slept. His clients... they prayed.”

In short

Q: How do you find a good small-cap fund man­ager?

A: Find a good large-cap fund man­ager, and wait. ________________________________________

“I’m think­ing of leav­ing my hus­band,” com­plained the bro­ker’s wife. “All he ever does is stand at the end of the bed and tell me how good things are go­ing to be.” ________________________________________

Mo­men­tum in­vest­ing: The fine art of buy­ing high and selling low.

Value in­vest­ing: The art of buy­ing low and selling lower. ________________________________________

Q: Why did God cre­ate stock an­a­lysts? A: In or­der to make weather fore­cast­ers look good. ________________________________________

The stock­bro­ker’s creed: A man is a client un­til proven broke.

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