On mar­gin

Finweek English Edition - - Piker -

The begin­ner’s guide to trad­ing

Chart: What you check af­ter you exit trad­ing, try­ing to un­der­stand what went wrong.

Sys­tem trad­ing: A phrase you em­ploy to ex­plain to the ap­pren­tice how your trade did not work out the way you meant. Break: A pause you take when you have ei­ther two prof­itable or five un­prof­itable deals in a row.

Mov­ing av­er­age: A curly line that has noth­ing to do with the price move­ment if you have an open po­si­tion. Trend­line: An imag­i­nary line on the price chart that only changes when the mar­ket is closed or when you are not look­ing.

Day trad­ing: Trad­ing which you start too late and exit too early.

Scalp­ing: Los­ing only an eighth in one go.

Con­fu­sion: Six open po­si­tions.

Fri­day: A weekly op­por­tu­nity to give back ev­ery­thing you gained that week.

By the hour

A lawyer dies and goes to heaven. “There must be some mis­take,” the lawyer ar­gues. “I’m too young to die. I’m only 55.”

“Fifty-five?” says Saint Peter. “No, ac­cord­ing to our cal­cu­la­tions you’re 82.”

“How’d you get that?” the lawyer asks.

An­swers St Peter: “We added up your time sheets.”

Run­ning out of time

The doc­tor told a woman that she only had six months to live.

“Oh my good­ness!” said the woman. “What shall I do?”

“Marry an ac­coun­tant,” sug­gested the doc­tor.

“Why?” asked the woman. “Will that make me live longer?”

“No,” replied the doc­tor. “But it will seem longer.”

The gen­er­ous Almighty

A man said to God: “God, is it true that to you a bil­lion years is like a se­cond?” God said yes.

The man said: “God, is it true that to you a bil­lion rand is like a cent?”

God said yes.

The guy said: “God, can I have a cent?” God said: “Sure, just a se­cond.”

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