On mar­gin

Finweek English Edition - - Piker -

Of­fice pol­i­tics

An em­ployee goes to her boss to ask for a raise af­ter two years with the com­pany. The boss looks at her and says, “Be­cause of the fluc­tu­a­tions in your po­si­tion’s pro­duc­tive ca­pac­ity as jux­ta­posed to in­dus­try stan­dards, it would be mon­e­tar­ily in­ju­di­cious to ad­vo­cate an in­cre­ment.”

“I don’t get it,” she says. “That’s right,” the boss says. _______________________________________ The se­nior man­ager of a com­pany calls his deputy into his of­fice.

“Have you been fool­ing around with Jan­ice from ac­count­ing?” the boss asks.

“No sir,” the deputy replies. “Ab­so­lutely not!”

“Good,” the man­ager says. “Then you fire her.”

Smart think­ing

A woman ar­rives at a restau­rant, Gabrielle’s Kitchen, at lunchtime. It is very busy and she is told the next ta­ble will only be free in an hour.

She holds her phone to her ear and says in a loud voice: “Girl, you won’t be­lieve it, but your hus­band is hav­ing lunch with some woman at Gabrielle’s Kitchen!” Half the din­ers in­stantly get up and rush to the exit.

In brief

The Guardian and The Tele­graph com­piled a list of the best jokes of this year’s Ed­in­burgh Fringe fes­ti­val:

“In­som­nia is aw­ful. But on the plus side – only three more sleeps till Christ­mas.” – Robert Garn­ham

“Re­la­tion­ships are like mo­bile phones. You look at your iPhone 5 and think, it used to be a lot quicker to turn this thing on.” – Athena Kug­blenu

“I’m very con­flicted by eye tests. I want to get the an­swers right but I re­ally want to win the glasses.” – Caro­line Mabey

“In the bed­room, my girl­friend re­ally likes it when I wear a suit, be­cause she’s got this kinky fan­tasy where I have a proper job.” – Phil Wang

“My ho­tel room was so small, I could barely open the Bi­ble.” – Joe Suther­land

“Net­flix and chill. Be­cause we can af­ford a TV li­cence and heat­ing?” – Aatif Nawaz

“It’s not enough to be busy; so are the ants. The ques­tion is: what are we busy about?”

− Henry David Thoreau, Amer­i­can es­say­ist, philoso­pher and his­to­rian (1817-1862)

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