4 5 8 9 10
1Put your phone on loud and send a signal for someone to call you at the “If anyone knows of any just cause or impediment” bit.
3Alternatively, wear a squeaky leather suit and get obscenely amorous with your new partner during the quiet parts of the service.
7… Or with the bride’s father. Or the groom’s father. Or both… at the same time, if they’re game. Bribe the DJ to play ‘The Chicken Song’. Twice.
11Talk loudly and incessantly about how different it is to the groom’s ex’s wedding last year, which was also much more expensive.
13Make the flower girls and pageboy cry, then blame the groom. the bride’s frail grandmother for an enthusiastic spin on the dance floor, wheelchair and all.