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Glamour (South Africa) - - Glamour / List -

1Put your phone on loud and send a sig­nal for some­one to call you at the “If any­one knows of any just cause or im­ped­i­ment” bit.

3Al­ter­na­tively, wear a squeaky leather suit and get ob­scenely amorous with your new part­ner dur­ing the quiet parts of the ser­vice.

7… Or with the bride’s fa­ther. Or the groom’s fa­ther. Or both… at the same time, if they’re game. Bribe the DJ to play ‘The Chicken Song’. Twice.

11Talk loudly and in­ces­santly about how dif­fer­ent it is to the groom’s ex’s wed­ding last year, which was also much more ex­pen­sive.

13Make the flower girls and page­boy cry, then blame the groom. the bride’s frail grand­mother for an en­thu­si­as­tic spin on the dance floor, wheel­chair and all.

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