The messy one
Periods. In everyday life, we’re accustomed to them having zero respect for good underwear or our plan to debut white trousers. We shrug and move on to something black. In sex, there’s more fuss. Dr Brame blames an outdated “shame and secretiveness about female sexual function.”
A spot of blood is no biggie, though: if you have your period, protect sheets with a towel. If it catches you by surprise, get cold water on the sheets, and blot with toilet paper. Also, stay calm. A simple, “I’ve got my period,” is good enough. Panicked humour, “At least I’m not pregnant!” is possibly too much for a first date.
I once tottered around a boyfriend’s room doing that ‘I’m so confident naked’ thing, without realising I was trailing blood over his carpet. Inside, I screamed, ‘Nooooo’. But I said, “Er, I think I spilt something. You stay there, I’ve got it.” Then I ran to the bathroom and whispered, “Nooooo.”