The unpredictable one
If you have 16 minutes, join the 20 million people who’ve watched TED talk ‘10 Things You Didn’t Know About Orgasms’. Host Mary Roach wrote the brilliantly titled Bonk (Canongate Books; R225), and has more sex facts than a general knowledge game show contestant – including the longest ever recorded male ejaculation. It’s 2.4 minutes: an eyewatering figure, particularly if your eye intercepts it. Which can happen – along with the walls, your hair, the top you wanted to wear to dinner – even if the distance is only a few centimetres. It’s thought the distance a man can ejaculate may be connected to his pelvic floor strength and ability to sync his orgasm with clenching muscles. So be prepared for semen to catch you off guard. Though maybe don’t be too dramatic. Ducking as if dodging Thor’s hammer – when the fluids only just make it over one of his fingers – takes longer to laugh off than a quick dab with a tissue. Ahh, the glamour.