The oversized one
Penises at the hairdryer scale of the spectrum exist. And a large load requires different treatment. While friends have spontaneous ‘let’s do it up that tree’ sex, you have a repertoire of one: lowering down on it like a crane, while lubricant is poured on like oil to a door hinge. It might not happen in Hollywood sex, but it’s OK to pant with joy because you got it in.
“Most vaginas expand to fit all shapes and sizes of penises, given appropriate arousal and lubrication,” says consultant gynaecologist Dr Janice Rymer. “Take your time, relax; don’t force a fit, as this can cause pain and tearing.” The one time ‘Hairdryer Penis’ didn’t fit was post-breakup. His penis could not have grown more, but I was tense: questioning what it meant, if we’d get back together. We attempted sex until my vagina kind of… eroded.
But it’s still my most valued mishap, because I learnt sex is 100% mental. If your head isn’t happy, it’s worth listening to.