Don’t touch chill­ies be­fore you have sex! And more LOL fails

A lot can go off-script in the bed­room. No big deal, says sex writer Gemma Askham – mishaps can be game-chang­ers.

Glamour (South Africa) - - Glamour 2017 April -

two in­stances stick in my head of guys who’ve lost erec­tions dur­ing sex. The first swore, shoved the ev­i­dence into his box­ers and stormed out of the room so fast that my thighs were still open as the door slammed. He slumped back hours later, still silent, hav­ing raised the is­sue with whisky in­stead. In my sec­ond case of de­fla­tion, the guy stopped, said, “Oh,” paused for a mo­ment, then added (on his pe­nis’s be­half ), “I think he’s ner­vous. Let me plea­sure you.” And my thighs re­mained open for the right rea­son.

The point is, a body’s de­ci­sion to do some­thing off-script – a strange be­hav­iour, a noise that sounds like ac­tual wind – doesn’t have to shame you into fast retreat and an evening re­search­ing nun­ner­ies. Some­where be­tween the idea that sex must ei­ther be earth-shat­ter­ingly good or earth­swal­low-me-up hi­lar­i­ous, there’s just sex. Good old ev­ery­day (OK, once-aweek) sex. It’s sim­ply part of life – and like the other best part of life, eat­ing, it comes with spillages, stains and sounds. But they’re all part of the plea­sure process. Af­ter all, only a fool would let a white shirt stand in the way of choco­late cake.

“The key is ac­cess to the facts, so you can un­der­stand that if your vagina does some­thing sur­pris­ing, such as mak­ing the bed wet, it doesn’t mean you’re dis­gust­ing, it means you’re healthy and pas­sion­ate,” says sex­ol­o­gist Dr Glo­ria Brame.

So, here’s how to have your sex­ual cake and eat it, too – what­ever surprises may come your way.

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