Don’t touch chillies before you have sex! And more LOL fails
A lot can go off-script in the bedroom. No big deal, says sex writer Gemma Askham – mishaps can be game-changers.
two instances stick in my head of guys who’ve lost erections during sex. The first swore, shoved the evidence into his boxers and stormed out of the room so fast that my thighs were still open as the door slammed. He slumped back hours later, still silent, having raised the issue with whisky instead. In my second case of deflation, the guy stopped, said, “Oh,” paused for a moment, then added (on his penis’s behalf ), “I think he’s nervous. Let me pleasure you.” And my thighs remained open for the right reason.
The point is, a body’s decision to do something off-script – a strange behaviour, a noise that sounds like actual wind – doesn’t have to shame you into fast retreat and an evening researching nunneries. Somewhere between the idea that sex must either be earth-shatteringly good or earthswallow-me-up hilarious, there’s just sex. Good old everyday (OK, once-aweek) sex. It’s simply part of life – and like the other best part of life, eating, it comes with spillages, stains and sounds. But they’re all part of the pleasure process. After all, only a fool would let a white shirt stand in the way of chocolate cake.
“The key is access to the facts, so you can understand that if your vagina does something surprising, such as making the bed wet, it doesn’t mean you’re disgusting, it means you’re healthy and passionate,” says sexologist Dr Gloria Brame.
So, here’s how to have your sexual cake and eat it, too – whatever surprises may come your way.