Relationships & life The breakup rules. Plus, “My parents got divorced and now my mom wants to discuss her love life with me.”
It’s hard to do, so let us help make it easier.
DO talk. It has to be face to face. If you’re human enough to have sex, you’re human enough to use your voice to tell someone why you are breaking their heart. But not in the middle of a house party. DON’T say you don’t fancy them or that you never loved them. This is unforgivable. DO be kind enough to let them hate you. DON’T say you need time on your own if you’ve met (or even identified) someone else.
DO practice total cut-off if you are the dumpee. It will either win them back or get you towards being over it. If you have something to say, tell the Labrador. DON’T practice total cutoff (aka ghosting) if you are the dumper. It’s cruel. DO exercise. DON’T have any access to your phone after alcohol intake. DO be incredibly smiley and delighted to see them. Say, “You look so great!” followed by a swift exit. This is particularly true if you feel hard done by. Smouldering and flouncing may feel satisfying, but it makes you look bad and makes them think, ‘Thank God I’m not with that maniac,’ rather than, ‘She was so much fun. I miss that.’ DON’T sleep with them. This won’t feel good for long. If they want to have you, let them chase. This is true of men and women. They can’t miss you if you don’t run away. DON’T get heavily drunk. Or cry. Or both. Ever.
When stuff happens
DO tell your most recent ex if you’re getting married or having a baby. It needs to come from you. DON’T arrange to meet them to tell them this. A phone call will do.