Master the STI talk

When it comes to your sexual health, knowledge is power. Here’s how to have the talk about STIS that’s actually eective. Your body will thank you.

Q“When I’m sleeping with someone new, it’s like the Spanish Inquisition to ask about STIS. Have you been tested? What date? Any sex since? It’s a mood killer and doesn’t seem to give me all the info I need to make a decision in the moment. What should I really know?” – Estie Bekker, 30

AFirst, the truth: if you’re sexually active, you can never be 100% safe from getting an STI. Why? Men can’t get tested for the human papillomavirus (HPV), and condoms aren’t a sure-fire way for prevention. But instead of handing out a 10-question survey to every partner, start with, “Have you been tested since the last person you slept with?” That should cover the routinely-tested STIS.

We suggest focusing on a partner’s overall attitude first. Have the conversation, even if you don’t get all of the information you asked for. If they start getting an attitude, or react aggressively and defensively, that’s a cue they might not know their current status. And no matter what, always use as much protection as possible – condoms, dental dams, femidoms – until you have all those answers. And if you’re particularly concerned about something, get specific. For example, if you haven’t finished your doses for the HPV vaccine, ask, “Do you know if any of your past partners have had an abnormal Pap smear result?” (Often, abnormal results could mean there’s a cervical infection caused by HPV.)

Don’t worry about killing the mood; sex with a new person will be awkward one way or another. So you might as well be smart about it!