Bald-golfer fear: some­one pulling the rug out from over you.

Golf Digest (South Africa) - - The Golf Life -

That cap, of course, is UVpro­tec­tive and leaves a tan line that makes my head – caramel­coloured from neck to fore­head but creamy white on top – look like a pint of Bass.

Stew­art Cink re­moved his cap on TV at the 2014 Sony Open and re­vealed a sim­i­lar choco­lat­e­vanilla tan line, like Neapoli­tan ice cream. Screen grabs of it quickly went vi­ral, and Cink had the good sense to laugh about it, for a sense of hu­mour is es­sen­tial to the bald golfer.Which is why it’s such a joy to see Jor­dan Spi­eth as golf’s Next Big Thing, the game’s heir ap­par­ent with­out hair ap­par­ent.

Spi­eth is a supremely ta­lented ath­lete with good looks, a beau­ti­ful girl­friend, a green blazer, more money than the Fed­eral Re­serve, in­ter­na­tional fame, in­ex­haustible youth and – least of all – a re­ced­ing hair­line. It would hardly be worth men­tion­ing, ex­cept that Spi­eth en­joys call­ing at­ten­tion to his in­cip­i­ent hair loss, either to pre-empt oth­ers’ lame jokes or to point out that he is in­deed hu­man.

“If I wasn’t bald­ing be­fore,” he said at the 2013 John Deere Clas­sic, “I de nitely am af­ter the playo .” A year later, at the Quicken Loans Na­tional: “I’m bald­ing, and it’s ob­vi­ous I’m older than I re­ally am.” By the time Spi­eth was win­ning the 2015 Masters in a wire-to-wire 18-un­der-par master class, Nick Faldo said it per­fectly: “Jor­dan Spi­eth’s big­gest con­cern at 21 is that he’s los­ing some hair.”We should all be so lucky.

And any­way, Spi­eth – like the rest of us – is pow­er­less to do any­thing but laugh about it, be­cause hair loss is like quick­sand. The more you ght it,the worse your predica­ment be­comes.

Those joc­u­lar golf vi­sors with a crown of syn­thetic “hair” are hot, but only in the lit­eral sense of that word. Toupees some­how still ex­ist, but it’s just as con­vinc­ing – and for a golfer, in nitely more con­ve­nient – to wear a beaver-pelt divot on your head. And there’s al­ways the fear that some­one, some day, will pull the rug out from over you.

Golf mogul Don­ald Trump sports an ar­range­ment of hair that is less a comb-over than a ’do-over, a candy- oss con­fec­tion of gos­samer wisps that comes off as the clum­si­est cover-up since Water­gate. But in fact, when a wind gust at Turn­berry last sum­mer blew his hair up, like Marilyn Mon­roe’s dress in “The Seven Year Itch,” the Don­ald’s hair­line was re­vealed to be in­tact and fairly far for­ward.

The clean look: From le

, Ben Crane, Jim Furyk, Bill Haas, Stew­art Cink and the author, Steve Rushin.

As with other af­flic­tions, some bald men will be­come chem­i­cally de­pen­dent. (To para­phrase Eric Clap­ton: If you wanna get down, down on the ground – Ro­gaine.) Sam Snead had per­haps the most stylish so­lu­tion to the bald­ing golfer: A snappy fe­dora that be­came his sig­na­ture style, so much so that many never knew he was ton­so­ri­ally bereft.

Be­cause ev­ery­one from Sean O’Hair to Sean No’Hair wears a hat on the golf course, it can be di cult to tell in the heat of com­pe­ti­tion who’s bald and who isn’t. (Al Bald­ing, who won four PGA Tour events in the 1950s, had a magni cent hel­met of an­chor­man hair.) But the bald men who cling to their hats o the course, and even in­doors, are ac­cused of “mis­rep­re­sent­ing them­selves,” in the words of Larry David. The comic ac­tor and avid bald golfer has cat­a­logued, on “Curb Your En­thu­si­asm,” the var­i­ous in­dig­ni­ties vis­ited daily on mem­bers of what he calls “the bald com­mu­nity,” among them:“Can’t go out­side with­out the sun­screen” and “No con­vert­ibles.”

As David knows, the best so­lu­tion to hair loss is no defence at all.Wear your bald­ness lightly, and with a self-e ac­ing good grace.

Dwight Eisen­hower was Amer­ica’s most es­teemed bald golfer, a World War II gen­eral and the last bald pres­i­dent that bald-averse Amer­i­cans deigned to elect – and then only be­cause he ran against the even­balder Ad­lai Steven­son. Men as bald as a Pin­na­cle have reached golf’s pin­na­cle – Jim Furyk and Roberto DeVi­cenzo won the US and Bri­tish Opens, re­spec­tively – and, like Ike, they owned their bald­ness. Some men be­come weaker with hair loss, some stronger. Who do you want to be: Sam­son or Sam Snead?

With this in mind, I will oc­ca­sion­ally ask the guy wip­ing down clubs at the cart re­turn to give my nog­gin a quick buff-down along with the driver. I’ve been ac­cused by play­ing part­ners – while air­ing out my melon on a green – of try­ing to blind them while they putt. When you have been stopped in an air­port and asked to pose for a pho­to­graph by a man who has mis­taken you for An­dre Agassi, you learn to carry your­self as a proud bald ath­lete.

In the Gospels, we are re­minded: “The very hairs of your head are all num­bered.” And your num­bered hairs, like your num­bered days, re­cede daily.

Ask Tiger Woods, whose hair has been do­ing a slow fade for years now.Woods told Fox Sports last year that he will prob­a­bly shave his head at some point, as his friends Michael Jor­dan and Charles Barkley have done to great ac­claim.“I have a nice skylight,” Woods said – re­fer­ring either to his bald spot or to his house or per­haps to both – “and if I don’t wear a hat, I can feel the heat.”

And so, for the first time in a golf con­text, I’ve beaten Woods to some­thing, and have be­gun shav­ing my head. Shav­ing one’s head – as Trump will surely ap­pre­ci­ate – is man’s way of telling his hair: “You can’t quit, you’re red.”

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