DIS­TURBINGLY AC­CU­RATE GOLFISMS

Golf Digest (South Africa) - - Gallery -

• Never wash your ball on the tee of a wa­ter hole.

• There is no such thing as a friendly bet. Bets lengthen putts and shorten drives.

• The six stages of golf are Sud­den Col­lapse, Rad­i­cal Change, Com­plete Frus­tra­tion, Slow Im­prove­ment, Brief Mas­tery, and Sud­den Col­lapse.

• If your driver is hot, your put­ter will be ice cold; if you can hit your irons, you will top your woods; if you are keep­ing your right el­bow tucked in, your head will come up.

• One good shank de­serves an­other.

• It takes 17 holes to re­ally get warmed up.

• No golfer ever swung too slowly, and no golfer ever played too fast.

• No mat­ter how badly you are play­ing, it’s always pos­si­ble to play worse.

• What­ever you think you’re do­ing wrong is the one thing you’re do­ing right.

• Any change works for three holes.

• The odds of duff­ing a shot in­crease by the square of the peo­ple watch­ing.

• Never teach your wife to play golf, and never play your son for money.

• Never try to keep more than 300 sep­a­rate thoughts in your mind dur­ing your swing.

• The less skilled the player, the more likely he is to share his ideas about your golf swing.

• It’s sur­pris­ingly easy to hole a 10-me­tre putt when you lie 10.

• Con­fi­dence com­pletely evap­o­rates in the pres­ence of wa­ter haz­ards.

• The more your op­po­nent quotes the rules, the greater the cer­tainty that he cheats.

• Always limp with the same leg for the whole round.

• The rake is always in the other bunker, and the wind is in your face on 16 of the 18 holes.

• Noth­ing straight­ens out a nasty slice quicker than a sharp dog-leg to the right.

• The ball always lands where the pin was yes­ter­day.

• It always takes at least five holes to no­tice that a club is miss­ing.

• Ev­ery time a golfer makes a birdie, he must sub­se­quently make two triple bo­geys to re­store the fun­da­men­tal equi­lib­rium of the uni­verse.

• You can hit a 40-me­tre wide fair­way 10% of the time and a thin branch 90% of the time.

• The low­est num­bered iron in your bag will always be im­pos­si­ble to hit.

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