OUR RES­I­DENT EX­PERT

Marie Claire (South Africa) - - SEX & LOVE - @catri­on­abof­fard

Q: I HAVE FAN­TA­SIZED ABOUT TRY­ING THINGS LIKE BONDAGE WHILE HAV­ING SEX WITH MY PART­NER, BUT I’M NOT SURE IF I COULD DO IT IN REAL LIFE. WHAT IS THE DIF­FER­ENCE BE­TWEEN A FAN­TASY AND REAL FETISH?

A: Fetish is de ned as sex­ual ex­cite­ment from a body part or inan­i­mate ob­ject that’s not typ­i­cally sex­ual. Most peo­ple with tra­di­tional fetishes of­ten do not nd sat­is­fac­tion in sex­ual ex­pe­ri­ences with­out the ob­ject be­ing present. A fan­tasy is some­thing that starts in your imag­i­na­tion. Our brain is our big­gest sex or­gan, and should be en­gaged dur­ing sex­ual ex­pe­ri­ences like we do other parts of our body. When we fan­ta­size, we deepen our sex­ual ex­pe­ri­ence and sex be­comes a much more holis­tic ex­pe­ri­ence. Most peo­ple in re­la­tion­ships re­port that they fan­ta­size about their part­ner when mas­tur­bat­ing, but it’s quite nor­mal to fan­ta­size about some­one else, too. Some women are em­bar­rassed by fan­tasy and by what turns them on. If you want to in­tro­duce some­thing new into your sex­ual ex­pe­ri­ence, like bondage, but aren’t sure how your part­ner will re­act, start slow. Per­haps start the con­ver­sa­tion with an ice­breaker by rem­i­nisc­ing about a past ex­pe­ri­ence you’ve shared. Be­gin by us­ing items like scarves to see if you enjoy some bondage. If you do, then buy a small whip, pad­dle or rid­ing crop and see if that works for you both. Com­mu­ni­ca­tion through­out is key.

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