OUR RESIDENT EXPERT
Q: I HAVE FANTASIZED ABOUT TRYING THINGS LIKE BONDAGE WHILE HAVING SEX WITH MY PARTNER, BUT I’M NOT SURE IF I COULD DO IT IN REAL LIFE. WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A FANTASY AND REAL FETISH?
A: Fetish is de ned as sexual excitement from a body part or inanimate object that’s not typically sexual. Most people with traditional fetishes often do not nd satisfaction in sexual experiences without the object being present. A fantasy is something that starts in your imagination. Our brain is our biggest sex organ, and should be engaged during sexual experiences like we do other parts of our body. When we fantasize, we deepen our sexual experience and sex becomes a much more holistic experience. Most people in relationships report that they fantasize about their partner when masturbating, but it’s quite normal to fantasize about someone else, too. Some women are embarrassed by fantasy and by what turns them on. If you want to introduce something new into your sexual experience, like bondage, but aren’t sure how your partner will react, start slow. Perhaps start the conversation with an icebreaker by reminiscing about a past experience you’ve shared. Begin by using items like scarves to see if you enjoy some bondage. If you do, then buy a small whip, paddle or riding crop and see if that works for you both. Communication throughout is key.