OUR RESIDENT EXPERT
I OFTEN FANTASISE ABOUT SEX WITH A STRANGER. I FEEL GUILTY AND IT FEELS WRONG. ARE THESE FANTASIES NORMAL, EVEN THOUGH I’M IN A RELATIONSHIP?
Yes, fantasising is completely normal and healthy, and in no way indicates that you want something outside of your relationship. Some people feel that simply thinking about something sexual is as bad as doing it, and yet fantasy can actually heighten your sexual experience with your partner.
Fantasising about being sexual with someone else doesn’t necessarily mean you want to act it out. Just because your partner may fantasise about you having sex with another woman, for example, doesn’t mean they’d actually want it to happen.
Women most commonly fantasise about being forced to perform sexual acts, submitting to their partner, and having sex with a stranger. Men most commonly fantasise about two women having sex, having a threesome with two women, and sex with a stranger. Other common fantasies are sex in public, getting physical with an authoritive gure, or being watched while you and your partner have sex.
There is, of course, a ne line between fantasy and reality. It’s healthy to share your fantasies and to explore them with your partner. For example, if you fantasise about submission, then using a silk scarf or his tie to restrain you during sex could be fun for both of you. It can be a big turn-on to share what excites you, but take it slow if you’re anxious that your partner might be taken aback by your fantasies.
Sexologist Catriona Boffard answers your most pressing sex questions